The Talker takes the cake for the number of amusing misquoted dictations, he of the legendary "anal screw" dictation (ambulance crew). He is a bit of a low talker which doesn't help. Heck, I can't hear 3/4 of what he says. I have never, ever heard him raise his voice about anything and he rarely gets excited. That is to say a raised voice which would be in the normal human conversation range, and excitement....just couldn't picture it.
"Poni ice to affected area 20 minutes per hour". Not the ice of regular sized horses, it must be poni ice. Poni= apply
"You must quit soaking". Dry out, you're all wet. Soaking=smoking.
"Watch for signs of injection" Because they can sneak up on you. Injection=infection
"History of My Grain Clinic" It must have been somewhere in the Mid-West. My Grain Clinic=migraine headache.
"...append ass us". We will just stick it on the end of the butt. appendicitis
By far the funniest thing I've seen or heard in awhile occurred while I was buying my new this past week, a story for another day since I am still on an adrenaline rush. Be calm. Breathe. Drink more wine.
Anyway, a sales person who was not mine was dealing with an obviously disgruntled customer for whom English was not a native language and who was having some sort of difficulty with a series of repairs on a used car she had purchased. I was too busy trying to get my calculator to work, but heard this much:
Sales guy: "So what's up, girl?"
Woman: "Yeah, I'm gonna have to talk to a lawyer or sump thin, these things are not being fixed".
Sales guy: "What's going on"
Woman: "You know, the blah blah is this, and the blah blah is that"
Sales guy: "What have the repair guys told you, and what do they propose to resolve the problem?"
Woman: "Yeah, it's a thing with the asshole, you know, I don't know anything about cars. The asshole, man, there's a problem with that"
Sale's guy (to his credit doesn't even blink): "I think you mean the axle"
I stuck my head in my purse to hide the laughter, but not before the sales guy winked at me.