The 10:30 patient turned out to be a woman who had "snagged" her upper arm on something at work 12 hours previously. Her emergency was that she felt like she was going to hyperventilate because the area felt really tender and it felt like there was something under the skin. I thought it was some kind of bullshit Wally world employee work injury issue, but as it turns out; it wasn't. She had a 1/2 inch sliver of wood removed by The Pirate (he wears a cool earring: "arrrgh"). I don't know how he found it, but he did.
The patient and her husband spent the next 10 minutes oohing and ahhing over the size, shape, color and clarity of the offending object, and speculating as to how it got there and stayed there without her actually being cognizant of that fact until 12 hours later.
Her name was kind of....odd. Let's say it was along the lines of Lotta Vodka, or Rita Margarita.
"Is that her real name? Honestly?"