Sunday, January 30, 2011

Little Mr. Man...

...was 94 years old, pleasantly demented and was a "surprise" roll up via ambulance from a local nursing home. "Oh, didn't they call you?" (Do they EVER?).

He had an infection in his finger, more specifically a paronychia. He had been a nail biter for most of his 94 years. Mr. Man was also blind, very hard of hearing and was wearing headphones that disappeared into the front of his shirt, connected to I have no idea what....something. Perhaps a poor-man's hearing apparatus. Maybe it was just a cassette of a mother's heartbeat, the ocean, yoga music or jungle sounds.

Still, he was very cute.

Even when he wandered out of his room without clothing while Jane and I were busy wrangling a toddler who needed stitches.

Poor Ellen. She would much rather avoid any nudity or sexual references altogether, but recognized that we were both busy so she kindly threw a sheet on him lest he scandalize the old ladies in the waiting room.

This was on the heels of her latest discovery of vandalism. And on her very desk.

Ellen was tired of people walking off with her pens. So, she artfully decorated a few pens with large plastic flowers; the kind that people generally do not walk off with. Next, she placed said pens with a bunch of tiny decorative pebbles in a little glass jar which she labeled "PENS"in bright red.

Some wisenheimer clandestinely placed an "I" between the "N" and the "S". You know what that spells.

Now relabled, the "N" and the "S" are so close together you could not possibly get and "I" in there. There will be no nasty penis references on Ellen's desk at this Catholic hospital, you can bet your boots.

And nobody walks off with the pens, either.

Ellen, controlling crime, nudity, and inappropriate sexual references in the ER. What would we do without her?