Often I find it necessary to take two deep breaths and force a cordial expression on my face even when I have just had a vacation. I am seeing way too many of the same faces again and again for absolutely silly reasons, merrily abusing the system. There are just too many taking the a free ride with their "hurray for me, f*ck you" attitudes. Yes they have a primary care; they just don't want to be inconvenienced.
One of the free-riders is the wife of a narcotic seeking douche bag who is now living with his mother. Or in jail or some sh*t. She has an alliterative, cutesy name so I will just call her Betty Buttz. Betty comes in to the ER regularly enough for me to know all her information and her kids by name for just stupid reasons at LEAST twice a week. She can be counted on to come in on Thursday or Friday with nebulous injury or pain and is seeking a work note, AKA "Get Out of Jail Free Card" for the weekend. She works maybe 8 hours per week at the most at a $1 store. If she has a medical issue such as sore throat, rash or dental pain (often) she can be counted on for two or three additional visits for changes in antibiotics and additional "Get Out of Jail Free Cards for Condition XX, Not Magically Better". She also regularly asks for refills for "stress and anxiety" medications. She doesn't ever get them, but that doesn't prevent Betty from asking.
Betty's birth control poster children are also seen frequently. They are easily the most klutzy, uncoordinated kids on the planet as mom's answer to every bump, bruise, ache and pain is to squeeze her fat free-care ass into her car and transport the kids to the ER. I think the school office is wall-papered with her kid's "Get Out of Gym Free" notices. These kids are obese and could use a little physical education. Last time one of the kids had a 3 or 4 day old knee boo-boo I refused to give out another pair of crutches because I know I have personally given out at least 2 sets to everyone in the family. Unless they are using them to hold up the walls of their double-wide, they can reuse a pair.
As if these bi-and tri-weekly visits didn't suck enough empathy out of me, Betty Buttz has started to accompany Crayzee Cutter Friend as a mouthpiece / advocate for her regular field trips to the ER for her self-inflicted suture-requiring transfer-to-tertiary-care-psych-eval. Crayzee Cutter Friend's medical history, multiple allergies and psych meds are also well known to me. Betty Buttz is always helpful during Crayzee Cutter Friend's visits by routinely updating her Facebook status and texting their numerous friends and family who also never accompany her to the ER.
Crayzee Cutter Friend predictably gets a ride by Big Taxi with the Flashy Lights (again) to a complimentary psych evaluation (again) so Betty is pretty much at loose ends for the rest of the night (again).
"Where are the kids today, Betty?" I asked conversationally, like I cared. Probably off playing in dumpsters and inhaling toxic fumes judging from their usual choice of activities.
"With their father".
"Isn't it nice you have an evening out?", I observed brightly.
Betty took the opportunity, as long as she was there, to get herself checked out in the ER (again).
