Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Another Seinfeld ER Moment

So, this guy brings in his 69 year old father with some back pain.

"He fell".

Sonny didn't know anything about his medical history except "High blood pressure, dementia and he got his legs cut off". The only med he knows for sure is oxycodone; for chronic hip and back pain.

The man, I'll call him Buck, has pretty piss-poor short term memory. I get him triaged and into a wheelchair and into the waiting room with sonny to await registration.

Moments later, Ellen comes looking for me.

Ellen: "Did that son leave? This gentleman doesn't even know his address, poor thing. Did he leave a number?".

Me: "Nope. Guess he's gone. No forwarding address, either".

I put Buck into a room and help him get undressed. He has all kinds of information to give me; about how a motor vehicle accident cut off both his legs, but they were able to sew them back on. About how his wife died. About how he doesn't drive anymore. About how he used to be an electrician.

What Buck can't tell me is how he fell or where his useless son went.

Cripes was a little busy tonight. He's been working a lot lately, seems like every other shift I get to work with him. It was a while before he was able to see Buck. By then the useless son has returned

"I had to give the car keys to my fiancee". Really. How...interesting.

Useless son continued to be on his cell phone, in and out of the department. "I had to talk to my fiancee". Really. You actually have a girlfriend?

Shortly thereafter, another call to the fiancee; "I had to tell my fiancee my work schedule". Really. Yawn. Dude, I really don't give a shit.

Useless son doesn't have much of an idea about what actually happened to Dad, which prompted yet another call to....you guessed it..."my fiancee to find out what happened".

What a specimen. "I wonder what happened to my fiancee. I know she's here somewhere. Have you seen my fiancee? Tell my fiancee I'm looking for her. I have lost my fiancee, the poor baby".

Me: Maybe the dingo ate your baby.

Buck was fine except for his useless progeny, who I still can't believe even had a girlfriend, let alone a fiancee. I guess there really is someone for everyone.