Thursday, June 9, 2011

Stuff I See on the Camera

MANY people have no idea, although the warning is clearly posted, that we have surveillance cameras which cover about a dozen views of the building both inside and out.  The real-time  display on our computer can be programmed with our favorite views; everyone has their own.  My own particular choices include the two front parking lot views which cover the ambulance bay and the walkway to our patient entrance, the waiting room, the inside entrance to the patient door and the outpatient registration area.  Once I saw a cat so big walk across the lot I though it was a fox.  I have seen a family of skunks walking across the back parking lot; this was a revelation, I did not know that skunks travel in packs.  Do skunks spray other skunks?  Do they, too, find the odor noxious?  Curious...

I love observing people and catching them n the act of doing something ridiculous.  I have spoken about people who leave with the Miracle Cure: the lame who walk without a limp, the bent-over who walk upright.  I submit for your amusement those who appear to misrepresent their maladies for whatever reason.  The most common is, of course, drug-seeking, followed by work avoidance/workman's comp claims, and attention seeking.

One young man and his female companion were observed walking across the parking lot.  They paused in front of the walkway to the front door patient entrance, crouched, and enjoyed a cigarette while remaining in that position.

Between the end of the cigarette and the walk in the front door, the young man developed a pronounced and painful-appearing limp.  He had been seen 3 days earlier for knee pain and his Percocet was gone.

He didn't get anymore because it was pointed out that we have hidden cameras.  He stormed out threatening to call his lawyer and crying bullshit.

Another gentleman was observed getting out of his car, leaning against it and having a 10 minute or so cell phone conversation.  He gesticulated, paced, and otherwise seemed to be in control of himself.

Then he walked in the door holding a bloody handkerchief to his eyebrow, moaning and groaning dramatically.  I asked what happened between the end of his phone conversation and his walk into the department to make him so miserable: had he been attacked by wild dogs perhaps?

"You have cameras?"
Um, yeah.

One couple stood right under the camera making out for the longest time; I really wanted to tell them to get a room.  When they finally came in, the woman was having 10/10 abdominal pain.  She wanted a work note.

One guy proceeded to wax his car while his girlfriend was being seen for a wrist injury.  When she left with a wrist splint, she took the wrist splint off and helped him finish his waxing.

I worked a day shift (shudder) and saw that a police car, lights a-flashing, was in the front lot.  The officer was applying handcuffs to the driver of a car that had pulled in ahead of him.  When backup arrived, the second officer advised us that the car would be there for awhile, and the animal control officer would arrive shortly to take custody of the detainee's dog.  Said dog was to remain in the car: Sit.  Stay.  It being a hot day, I was more worried about the dog, but animal control arrived promptly and he, too, was hauled off to jail. 

Early in the spring, one woman sunbathed on the hood of the car.  In a bathing suit top.  Do I REALLY need to tell you that it wasn't a pretty sight?  Hmmmm?

I watched a girl come in for a wheelchair because her boyfriend had "a really bad leg injury and couldn't walk".  He, like so many, was observed walking around the car in a perfectly normal manner, and take a carton of cigarettes and a gallon of windshield washer fluid out of the trunk.  I though he was going to drink it, but he popped the hood and casually poured it in BEFORE he sent the girlfriend in for the wheelchair.

Better than TV.