Tuesday, May 24, 2011


Billy was brought in by his mother with a really nasty laceration through his eyebrow and into the eyelid.  He had stepped on a water bottle, lost his balance and fell while on his deck, busting through the railing he broke en route to the backyard four feet below.  Amazingly, he had no loss of consciousness. Billy weighed 250 pounds at 5ft 4 inches.  That he did not break his neck is likely attributable to the 8 or 9 beers he had consumed during the course of the evening. His list of medical problems included high blood pressure, chronic back pain, more chronic pain issues.  Billy was 46 and lived at home. I would add alcoholism to his list, but that's just me.

I have absolutely no idea how Mrs. Billy's Mom got him to the ER on her own, but she deserves some serious props.  Hope she had a GREAT Mother's Day.

Billy moaned and groaned and moaned and groaned.  Then he groaned s'more.  To quote Dean Wormer, "fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life, son".  Nor is living with your mother at 46.

Billy's biggest concern, though, was how much of a scar his laceration would leave; Bobo said he would certainly have a scar. I advised Kate that she better grab this one before he was snapped up; quite a catch.

Billy: " yeah, how big a scar do you think?"

Bobo: "It's difficult to say"

Billy: "Well, how would it compare to these?"

Billy lifted his shirt and displayed some impressive scarring on his equally impressive gut.

Bobo did a double take.  "What are those from?"

Billy: "Well, I got shot here, stabbed...stabbed again...I ran with a pretty rough crowd when I was young"
Seems more like the crowd ran over him.

Bobo scrutinized the jigsaw puzzle on Billy's torso and indicated the scar on the left side of his chest: " Wow, looks like the gunshot there just missed your heart"

Billy: " Yep, I'm lucky to be alive.  So, how about that scar; I have to be looking good for the ladies"
Bobo: "Probably not that bad by comparison"

Um, yeah.  I am thinking he might just be able to pull off the pirate look when Billy nodded with approval.
"Yeah", he said, "the ladies will love that".

We sent him to the Mother Ship for a CT scan, which turned out just fine.  While there, he asked the unit secretary out.

Um, yeah.  See, I told you Kate, that kind of merchandise doesn't stay on the shelf long.