Friday, July 25, 2014

Your'e Soaking in It

At Pseudocity we nurses work in pods.  We share rooms and general work areas,  and are given about 3-4 patients to care for (not including hallway beds which increases individual patient load).  It is meant to cut down on confusion and running around in general.  Some pods are more acute by nature because there are two critical rooms.  It is also a way to prevent one nurse from having, say, 4 chest pains, or 4-5 psych holds, or 3 or for vag bleeds at a  time.  Of course they try, but there is never any way to make all the assignments absolutely equal.  Some days you're the dog, some days the hydrant.

My pod mate and I had somehow gotten 3 of the nastiest  drunken frequently flyers. Their collective blood alcohol numbers equaled the national debt.

My change of shift assessment included the notation that my patient was pissing between the side rails onto  the floor.  And asking for a sandwich, and a change of socks whilst insincerely apologizing for pissing on the floor.

My partner found her personal drunk, who had spent the previous night and was discharged just 5 hours previously, standing at the sink.  Pissing.  And missing it badly.

"Um, you know, sir, people have to wash their hands in that.  Not cool.  And no, you are not getting any pain medication", said my partner.  

You would think that individuals who have had the equipment their entire lives would better be able to operate it, even while intoxicated.  Just saying.

Number 3 drunk, whom we shared because he was particularly nasty, insisted on a commode to piss in.    He actually managed to get some in it, but also took a monstrous dookie and used the  pillow case to clean himself up.

Me: "Hi, housekeeping?  I have 3 rooms that need to be cleaned.  Actually, they are flooded…, with urine… you have boots?  I'm thinking a firehouse would be good"

Note: I burned my shoes and scrubs in the driveway and took a shower with the backyard hose.  Needed new clogs anyway.