Thursday, August 23, 2012

Working Together, Yeah.

I don't let people abuse the registration staff and encourage them to simply excuse themselves from confrontational individuals and let me or the other nurses handle it .  I have even rescued Wednesday from rabid patients.  For one thing, I just don't give a rat's fat  ass how long the out-patients are waiting if there are ER patients;  that is the lab's problem and something they need to fix.  It is not the fault of the registrars if the barely-there phlebotomist decides to have lunch at 2:30 PM every day and the lab manager allows this regardless of how many blood draws there are.  FYI, that is a very busy time of day for both ER and lab.  Work with us, please.  Still, it is unacceptable to treat any member of the staff disrespectfully.  Manners: get you some.

Eeyore is usually pretty good at deflecting things; Ellen has a tendency to get flustered and apologize all over the place, then come and find me when the yelling starts.  It makes it more difficult if I intervene late in the game, but that's my job I guess. I have no trouble firmly but unsmilingly telling people to calm down because the registrars are doing their best to accommodate their rude asses, while I am mentally telling them to take a double flying fu*k at a rolling donut.  And then I add 10 minutes to their wait time.  I am not at all passive aggressive.

There are some hot-button questions that seem to rankle, as if we are making things up just to piss them off.  Really?  Don't you think if we had any control over these things we would streamline the process more?  Or at least ask more fun questions, such as "What color is a red house?", and "If a monkey can climb a greased pole in 10 seconds, how much does a pound of butter weigh?".

But no.  Mostly it is the mundane that set people off.  That, and unrealistic expectations.

You asked for all this information last time
Yes, I know.  Gets boring doesn't it?  So does your excuse for failing to have an ID.  Or insurance.  Or  an address other than a PO box 2 hours away.  Because we all we are really trying to do is catch you in a lie, right?

My doctor's office has all of this information on record
Your doctor's office computer thingy doesn't speak to ours.  It is a 9-5 computer thingy anyway, and since it is after 5 PM, it has gone night-night.

My doctor told me this was an emergency and I should be seen right away.
When I called your doctor's office (thus wasting 10 minutes of my life I will never get back) to ask them (to take time out of their day) to fax me your medicine list (that you should know yourself), they informed me that you had (but didn't think you should wait an additional 90 minutes) for your scheduled "urgent same day appointment" (for something stupid).  You have just guaranteed that you will not be seen before then.  FYI,  99 degrees Fahrenheit is not a high fever, and saying you "felt warm all day" confirms that you are an idiot.

"Are you going to rob me?"
 Asked of  Ellen by a complete douche-tard during the obligatory request for insurance information. Highly unlikely since you have no insurance.  Or any ID.  Or have given us a bogus address.  More like you robbing me since you have no intention of paying your bill.

You don't understand why I'm calling the police?
You just threatened to "go off on me" and "make me sorry I was ever born" if you were not seen immediately.  Buh bye.  Have a nice day.

Which brings me to the Last Word in conflict negotiation.  The Last Resort.   I am eternally grateful for all the support our local police gives us.  It happens often enough that it is necessary to call them, usually when the decibels exceed polite levels and violence is threatened.  The prospect of the special little "adult time-out room" with the metal bars almost always takes things down several notches.  I especially like it when they say, "Now, is there anything you want to say to the nice nurse who is just doing her job?" as they are led away.

Really.  Buh bye.