Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Award-Whining Behavior

The finalists for "Sketchy Parent of the Week" have been announced.

1.  This mom brought her 5 year old with her for her 14th visit in 10 months for "dental access".  Because she has Medicaid she "can't get a dental appointment" because she prefers to use her surplus cash for acrylic nails, cigarettes, pot, and extra large sodas from McCrap.  Because paying for dental care is boring.  She was allergic to Ultram, Motrin, Codeine, clouds, dirt air...basically everything except Tylenol, Percocet and Vicodin.  Mom mostly ignored the kid while alternately moaning about her pain when I was within earshot, or texting about how awful her pain was.

2.  Baby-daddy, who comes in a couple of times a week with his chronic pain issue (s), came in with his 7 month old who had been bitten by the family dog 15 minutes before.  He "didn't think it was serious and the dog has all of its shots" but he wanted to be a stellar parent and get it checked out.  In triage, he was unable to remember which hand.  There was not a mark to be found anywhere on the child.   Baby-daddy came back two hours later without the kid with a complaint of eye pain / blurring/ redness after taking a nap.  Gil treated him for a corneal abrasion and actually gave him two Percocet to take home for this bunch of nothing.  The first visit was recon to see which doctor was on and ascertain the likelihood of getting narcotics.

3.  Mom came in at 10 PM with her 4 year old.  Her complaint?  " I filleted my thumb".  It was barely bleeding. She had taken out her pink jack-knife while in the car to cut a straw for her child's soda.  Her main concern was procuring a spoon so her daughter could eat her ice cream before it melted. Question: why are you feeding soda and ice cream to a 4 year old at 10 PM, and why are you using a jack-knife to cut...oh, never mind.

It was a nothing to suture, but Mac put on some Surgicel and wrapped the shit out of it.  I couldn't believe that he actually wrote a 'script for Tylenol with Codeine for this.  I reminded him that the woman was on methadone.  Oops.  He ripped it up.

4.  This mom brought the 5 year old daughter to get her completely checked out.  Some hours previously, the kid had gotten her finger stuck in some plastic toy at daycare, and they had urged mom to get it looked at to be sure it was not broken or going to get infected.  It was a barely visible puncture wound.  Because Mom needed "bandages and wrapping" for this incredibly serious wound she stopped at the local pharmacy.  While in the parking lot, the daughter ran into / tripped over/ brushed against / or was nowhere near some crates carelessly strewn about by the Mountain Dew delivery guy.  Absolutely mom should get the kid checked out for trauma at the local ER, and mom would "get some coupons for Mountain Dew".  No bleeding, no wounds, no serious owwies, contusions or dirt was found anywhere on the child.

I see morons.  They're everywhere....they don't know they're morons.