Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Fifty Shades of Drunk

Patients frequently walk unknowingly into the ambulance bay door instead of the main ER door even though it has a big-a$$ sign on it that says AMBULANCE on it.  This is right in the middle of the department work area so immediately all eyes are upon thee. It is like walking directly onto a brightly lit  stage.  Spotlight!

A couple walked in center stage, and the woman, realizing that she was on stage immediately put her hand to her head.  She had apparently passed out cold when she went outside to smoke a cigarette while out to dinner with spouse and friends.  She fell into a puddle as it was raining.

"I think it might be an allergic reaction"

She "didn't have much to drink...maybe it was the lobster mac and cheese.  My father is allergic to lobster".

"Not much to drink", it transpires, consisted of  6 beers and 2 margaritas over the course of the evening.

The woman asked if we would be testing her for lobster allergy.  Um, no.  You need an allergist for that, it's not an emergency.  She also continued to tell us that she doesn't drink much (not since they invented the funnel, ba-dum chhhhhh!), has a respectable job, children, responsibilities, etc, etc.  She was not an alcoholic.

And thus the middle aged couple continued to speculate, while the woman was rehydrated, that the cause of her syncopal episode was allergy (possibly), dehydration (quite likely), encephalitis, meningitis (improbable), or heart related (ruled out).

There was NO WAY it could be related to alcohol related since she just didn't have that much to drink.