Saturday, July 23, 2011

Our Witch Melted, Can We Have a New One? and other random stuff

That is actually a paraphrasing of a blog, LOVE the name.  You could check it out.  But it IS an appropriate sentiment for the 100+ degree heat here in the Northeast and the potential for problems.  You know, like dehydration, heat stroke and other such heat related issues, many of which can be prevented from becoming a MEDICAL EMERGENCY by following a few common sense tactics: stay hydrated, keep cool and STAY THE HELL OUT OF THE HEAT, MORON!

I worked a princess day shift, my 10th shift in 9 days and I am done with it.  I am sitting in my living room with an icy cold brew with both the air conditioner and fan on.  In a sundress (which I would never wear outside in public unless I was, literally, on fire).  Tina went out for 10 seconds and was ready to come in immediately, so not like her.  Mr. EDNurseasauras and I will not be heading to the lake for the weekend as planned.  We will take a day trip, but there  is no airconditioning there and we just suffer too much without it.  Wah, wah, wah.

"With record high temperatures, the heat is on!" (isn't that clever, I thought.  Not!). "Medical personnel are on high alert!", intoned the 6 PM news reporter.

 "I'm not", I informed Mr. EDN.  "I'm on exceedingly LOW alert".

The local TV channel had a reporter at Fenway Park giving tips about how to stay cool while at the game.  It is over 100 degrees Fahrenheit, the highest temperature in about 80 years.....they were using some sort of heat seeking, satellite directed, laser guided thermometer to take the temperature of the plastic seats in the bleachers.  118 degrees.  WTF?  The concrete steps?  148 degrees!!  You could literally fry chicken on that thing, and you want people to sit out there?  Madness!

Here's a tip for staying cool while watching the Red Sox:  STAY HOME.  Or go to a bar with this new-fangled thing called air conditioning.  Yikes. 

I was on the phone (on hold) when a well-dressed woman walked into the department carrying one of those Styrofoam beer coolers containing bottled water.  It was our Director of Nursing.  "I know there is no water fountain, and want you all to stay hydrated".  Nice.  How many of y'all's bosses toted in water?  I was impressed.

I was even more impressed that since we had run out of enema bags she went across to the pharmacy and picked up a couple. words for that.  I sense a great new marketing campaign:

"Record high temperatures may cause dehydration and heat injury.  But by far the most dangerous problem is....constipation.  When you need an emergency enema, go directly to the Emergency Room. Your God-given right to a comfortable bowel movement should be your number one (not number two) reason to come to the ER when it is about as hot outside as the surface of Mercury. Because the heat is so much easier to tolerate when you can just take a good crap".