Saturday, May 21, 2011

National Shortage

You won't see this on any newscast.  It is a secret known only at the highest levels of government. 

There is a national shortage of mirrors. 

There has to be. I mean, some of the stuff people are wearing when they leave the HAS to be that there is just no access to a mirror to see how they look.


It is the only reasonable explanation.  Unless people are in possession of magic mirrors in which they see only what they want to see. 

Here are some helpful hints for the mirror deficient:

If it feels tight, it probably is.  That doesn't mean that you have the figure to wear it.
It you bought it in the sleepwear section, get dressed in actual clothes before you leave the house.
If you cannot button your jeans, you need a bigger size; perhaps several sizes.  Really.
If you are not pregnant and cannot see your feet, please refrain from wearing a tank top.
Bra.  'nuff said.
Short shorts: just....don't.  Please.
If you have legs that look like potato stix (thanks to Sue for that characterization), leggings just really aren't the look for you
If you must walk near the railing on the upper level of the mall and are wearing a skirt, you should really consider wearing underwear.
If you are male and wearing a shirt that says "It's Not a Beer Gut, it's a Fuel Tank for a Sex Machine", you have no hope of a normal girlfriend in the near future.