Saturday, December 17, 2011

More Head-Shaking Lady News

Sherry got out her knitting, which is generally an invitation for the masses to come streaming in. Since we were working with Parvati, the simplest dispositions become an all-out attempt to keep the patient there as long as possible by racking up a high number of diagnostic testing points. Some people have just one more visit before they win a toaster.

But Sherry was determined. "I have to make 3 hats, finish a Christmas stocking, and I'm working on a pair of socks. I will never get it all done in time for the holiday", she said.

We discussed the Christmas Madness Project, in detail. She shamefacedly told me she had bought a few items for the Lady on Elm St. Slippers, a pair of sweatpants, a nightgown and a couple of other things.

Excuse me? WTF??

Sherry: "I know, I know. I just feel really bad for her".

Well, so do I. Yes, why not pass the hat. Again. But Sherry had forgotten one very important point.

Me: "Sherry, how are you going to get that stuff to her? She takes offense at everything we do to try and help her"

Sherry: "Jane thinks we should just leave the box on her doorstep with a note, From Your Friendly Neighborhood Health Care Providers. Either that, or send it through the mail. Or my husband can drop it off, she doesn't know him"

Me: "She can't know we sent it, she would consider it a giant 'Up Yours from your good friends, the Peeps at the Health Center'. We should just do it anonymously"

Sherry: "Maybe you're right. We will know if she got the package only because she will probably be wearing the stuff next time she comes in"


As if to illustrate my point, this gem was heard on the police scanner:
"75 year old female with suicidal thoughts, X Elm St. apt 12. Called in by a neighbor residing at apt 14 who went to check on her". That would be none-other than the Lady on Elm St. She sits and waits. And knows exactly what is going on in the neighborhood, which is why sneaking up on her with a big box of Christmas presents would not work well.

A recent meeting about the Lady on Elm St. revealed that she is more vigilant (and crazy) than we ever thought.  It is important to note that the meeting was not for planning how to best address Lady's needs or to provide better care.  It was conducted by Idiots in Charge of Stupid Sh*t so that we drooling morons who actually provide the care could "express our feelings". 

Isn't that what blogs are for?

Lady reported to have used 911 over 100 times in the last calendar year, including 7 times in one day for nonsensical complaints. She also has Patient Services on speed dial since she had logged 23 complaints in the last 18 months.The Patient Services rep. is the proud recipient of her very own Lady complaint since she had apparently also failed to take Lady's call right away one time. As Lady didn't feel her earth-shatteringly dire complaint wasn't accorded the instantaneous attention she felt it
deserved, she immediately called the CEO's office. Said rep was summoned to explain why Lady's call was being so rudely ignored.

I can just hear the complaint now. "You people did WHAT??! You sent a box of slippers, nightgowns and sweatpants?? How could you be so rude and insensitive!".