Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Call a Toe Truck Please

Ms. Toe Fetish was in for her 3rd visit of the week for a toe infection; she had been seen about 5 other times in the past year for problems with every part of her body from the ankles down.  See, she has this thing about messing with her feet, picks at them, cuts skin, monkeys with them in weird ways.  She was all drama and har har about how disgusting it was, and how much it hurt, and how much "trouble" she was going to be in for not following pretty much any of her discharge instructions.
"It hurts really bad, it looks gross.  I can't bear to look at it"

For all her penchant for picking at her peds, I don't think she had washed it since last time she was in the ER, nor had she cleaned and dress it as instructed.  Her foot was filthy, and I mean disgustingly filthy.  I'm talking walk in mud, then step in an oil spill, then run through newly cut grass that smells like seaweed.   How much trouble is it to actually soak you foot in a basin of water?  She had on the same flaky old black nail polish on as well.  Ack.

She was also told to wear actual shoes, which she also did not do. She did, however, have plenty of time to take photos of it and send it to her friends.  Double ack.

"Is it the same doctor?  If it is he's going to yell at me, haha.  I hope it's not the same doctor (who by the way, didn't give her any narcotics).  Oh good, it isn't the same doctor.  Am I going to get a needle?  I'm really scared of needles.  Did I mention that this is really the most pain I've ever had in my life?  If most people say their worst pain is 10/10, then my pain has to be at least a 15 and maybe even 20/10" (also note she had about 6 piercings and 2 full sleeves of tattoos).

Really?  I had a sick baby to transfer so I sat her fat ass in the waiting room along with another lady who "just took Phenergan and it makes me sleepy so I need to have my microscopic laceration seen as soon as possible because I drove myself", which guaranteed that it would be at least 90 minutes, sorry.

When Ms. Toe Fetish was eventually seen (Phenergan lady left in a huff; it doesn't help to cop an attitude with the staff) she had the inevitable injection in her toe.  She went on for some time about that, actually getting up off of her bed of exquisite pain and opening the door to the room so we could hear her predict how painful it was going to be later.  "Yeah, this is really going to hurt later, huh?", "I can almost feel how bad this is going to be when the shot wears off", "This hurt before the shot, it is going to be twice as painful when it wears off I'll bet".

She proceeded to ignore the actual discharge instructions and reinvent them.

"Now, I should come right back if it hurts and to have the dressing changed tomorrow, right?"

Sherry: "Oh, no.  You don't have to come back, there's no need.  Just soak it, wear shoes, put a bandaid on tomorrow and have your own doctor see it.  Remember that soap and water are you friends, please take this complimentary basin home".  Like it says in the instructions that we have so nicely written out for you at a 6th grade reading level.  Sherry always sounds so nice when she gives people the hard truth.