10. Finding a tree.
I used to love to find the perfect tree when my kids were young. The perfect height, just the right amount of bushiness, and with branches that really hold both lights and heavy ornaments. As the kids got older and less interested in finding a tree let alone decorating it (and taking it down) it became more of a chore. I was almost ready to get a table top model this year, but settled for a 5 footer. It is more cute than magnificent, and I'm pleased as punch that it should take 30% fewer ornaments.
9. The mall.
After Black Friday I go no where near the mall on weekends as it is absolute insanity. I prefer to shop local or cyber shop. If I get bored with that, I can just stick sharp needles in my eyes to get the same experience.
8. Charities.
I guess it is probably a wonderful thing to buy a llama, or a goat, or a small herd of chickens for villages in third world countries. If that is your thing, that's fine. But I would prefer to give my money to the locals. Until this year. See previous post on Christmas giving and don't get me started.
7. Finding a really good partridge in a pear tree.
You can always find a serviceable partridge, and a fine pear tree, but a nicely matched set...impossible.
6. My neighbors' excessive Christmas Beast lights and lawn menagerie.
They have about 30 or 40 different things, it makes no sense and has no central theme. There are deer, snowmen, a train, some flashy thing I can't quite tell what it is, and...
"What's that?", I asked Mr. Ednurseasauras. "Second to the right of the blue snowman".
"Ummm...dunno. Does it have a cane and a red scarf?"
"Can't tell. Is it an....angel?"
"No. I think it's a bear (Gets up and looks out the window)
"Is it a goose?"
"Nope, it's just what I said. A bear with a red scarf, and either a cane or a stick."
"Why would it have a cane or a stick? That doesn't make any sense"
"Maybe it's doing a tap dance"
I don't know why I expect anything my neighbor does to make any sense.
5. Christmas Cards.
I don't send 'em, yet people inexplicably continue to send them to me. I'm not counting my family, not even one of my sisters-in-law whose goal is always that hers is the first card received. She sends them earlier and earlier each year. Now we get it the day before Thanksgiving. That's OK, I enjoy seeing the photos of my nieces and nephews and have them saved to embarrass them later. My own kids refused to pose for the annual Christmas photo when they were about 8 or 9, but a couple of years ago I put some Christmas lights on Tina and printed a Christmas card out of the photo which I sent to the family. My mother thought I had finally lost it.
4. Having to work the holiday.
I get that nurses, along with police and fire and other public servants, have to work 24/7 and we all have to take a turn. What chaps my ass is that Clip-board nurses and Suits get to take an extra day off when Christmas falls on a weekend
3. Catalogs.
Really annoying since I get hundreds of them beginning in October. Because it is necessary to recycle, they must all go to the dump, to end up in appropriately coded bins. I am placing my recycle bin under the mailbox. No wonder the Postal service is going broke.
2. Christmas Muzak
It starts in October, right around the same time I start getting the catalogs. For that matter, who wants to see Christmas decorations along side Halloween candy?
1. Christmas wreaths and reindeer antlers/red noses on cars.
This, to me, says, "I have more than enough time on my hands and absolutely no imagination". My friends think it is hysterical that this makes me so crazy. Linda and Dede gave me one of those antler thingies last year as a joke, but I put it on Sue's car. I hope she is presently enjoying it on her car as much as I enjoy not having it.
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Monday, December 5, 2011
Christmas Giving
During the holiday season, our building "adopts" a needy family. In past years we have shared this opportunity with the therapy department. It always includes some modest requests such as pajamas or a specific toy or two for the kids, perhaps a jacket, winter hats and gloves, jeans and other necessary items. Occasionally it will include such things as shampoo, soap, toilet paper. We always donate either gift cards or foods to provide the makings for Christmas dinner. The hospital provides the turkey to all the Christmas families.
Last year, it was decided that we would also donate gits and food items to one of the community's elder citizens. Slippers, nightwear, a sweater, gloves were some of the items. We found out that the recipient also had a cherished elderly cat so we included cat food.
I don't know how it went horribly wrong this year. We have not one, but THREE families, and no elder citizen. Each of these families has three kids, most of whom are teens. I would love to know how these families were screened or chosen.
Our employees started asking about the needs list weeks ago. It finally went up December 1 after it took 4 phone calls to one of the families to get sizes and specifics. FOUR. Sherry said that the husband talked about being suicidal during two of her calls. The list of wants and needs included such things as:
I-Pods
Ugg Boots
Abercrombie T shirts
4x pants
Leather gloves
Movies, a laptop computer, and a snowboard.
Really?? This has gotten completely out of hand. There is also the Christmas dinner to provide for with check-off sheets for each family; each of these lists is a full sheet of paper long. There are about 27 employees in the building, and most of us have been forced to curtail our own Christmas madness.
The Christmas project is a Big Deal to Ellen; she loves to provide as many needs as she can off the list, it gives her tremendous joy. But this year poor Ellen is beside herself. She took me aside and tearfully said she was having a lot of difficulty with the enormity of the list because she just didn't have the money to give this year. I know Ellen lives from paycheck to paycheck but she would never in a million years consider herself as a person in need of anything. She was proud that she managed to turn a jar of spare change into 23.98 when she found herself broke two days before payday and needed gas and a few groceries, and to buy stamps for her Christmas cards. She gives and gives and gives, and then she'll check the couch cushions for spare change so she can give more, using her last buck to buy flour to make cookies for someone's birthday. I stick a $20 in her purse every now when I think I can get away with it.
How can you tell such a giving person that these are less needs than demands? I don't care how needy you are, I would never ask for anything for myself if it meant that my kids would have to go without warm clothes, or a pair of boots, or have absolutely nothing under the tree. I used to think that any parent would think that way. What a chump I am. I guess it is what we have allowed as a society, to encourage people to grab for what they can with both hands. When it comes to Christmas giving the magic is gone when people who are identified as those being in need of the basic necessities of life have no problem shooting for the stars and hoping to land on the moon.
I haven't had a problem with the Christmas project before now, so I hope you'll excuse the humbug attitude this year. There is a BIG difference between "needs" and "gotta haves" when everyone else is tightening their belts. I guess I'm just a terrible person.
Last year, it was decided that we would also donate gits and food items to one of the community's elder citizens. Slippers, nightwear, a sweater, gloves were some of the items. We found out that the recipient also had a cherished elderly cat so we included cat food.
I don't know how it went horribly wrong this year. We have not one, but THREE families, and no elder citizen. Each of these families has three kids, most of whom are teens. I would love to know how these families were screened or chosen.
Our employees started asking about the needs list weeks ago. It finally went up December 1 after it took 4 phone calls to one of the families to get sizes and specifics. FOUR. Sherry said that the husband talked about being suicidal during two of her calls. The list of wants and needs included such things as:
I-Pods
Ugg Boots
Abercrombie T shirts
4x pants
Leather gloves
Movies, a laptop computer, and a snowboard.
Really?? This has gotten completely out of hand. There is also the Christmas dinner to provide for with check-off sheets for each family; each of these lists is a full sheet of paper long. There are about 27 employees in the building, and most of us have been forced to curtail our own Christmas madness.
The Christmas project is a Big Deal to Ellen; she loves to provide as many needs as she can off the list, it gives her tremendous joy. But this year poor Ellen is beside herself. She took me aside and tearfully said she was having a lot of difficulty with the enormity of the list because she just didn't have the money to give this year. I know Ellen lives from paycheck to paycheck but she would never in a million years consider herself as a person in need of anything. She was proud that she managed to turn a jar of spare change into 23.98 when she found herself broke two days before payday and needed gas and a few groceries, and to buy stamps for her Christmas cards. She gives and gives and gives, and then she'll check the couch cushions for spare change so she can give more, using her last buck to buy flour to make cookies for someone's birthday. I stick a $20 in her purse every now when I think I can get away with it.
How can you tell such a giving person that these are less needs than demands? I don't care how needy you are, I would never ask for anything for myself if it meant that my kids would have to go without warm clothes, or a pair of boots, or have absolutely nothing under the tree. I used to think that any parent would think that way. What a chump I am. I guess it is what we have allowed as a society, to encourage people to grab for what they can with both hands. When it comes to Christmas giving the magic is gone when people who are identified as those being in need of the basic necessities of life have no problem shooting for the stars and hoping to land on the moon.
I haven't had a problem with the Christmas project before now, so I hope you'll excuse the humbug attitude this year. There is a BIG difference between "needs" and "gotta haves" when everyone else is tightening their belts. I guess I'm just a terrible person.
Thursday, December 1, 2011
Cart-ashian
Marketing refused to give up the ghost on their search for the elusive beige cart. This second appeal appeared on the company website:
"The Marketing Department has lost the Marketing cart somewhere within the hospital- have you seen it? I am totallyy lost without it. It is tan in color and says marketing on the side of it. If you can provide tips to the whereabouts of this cart, a warm fleece reward awaits you. Call me at ext. XXXXXX and I will gladly come and get it. Thanks!"
I believe "fleece" is also a name for counterfeit crack. Just sayin'. But it was nice that they were willing to heat it up.
We had a field day with this. Kate, Lee, Lynne, Kerry and I took pictures of various carts and emailed them to marketing over a couple of days. It took awhile for them to realize we were being humorous, but hey, they still think they're getting their cart back. "No, not our cart but thanks" was the response to images of the code cart (both adult and pedi), TV cart, suture cart, laundry cart and computer cart. I'm pretty sure it was the picture of the shopping cart that tipped them off, but it was surely the hot dog cart photo that pushed them over the edge. No response to that one.
Next week, we're going to start sending pictures of carts Photoshopped in places like the beach, bars, amusement parks, and the Statue of Liberty with interesting commentary on what an exciting time the cart is having instead of being cooped up in marketing. I think he best way to end it will be to open a Beige Marketing Cart Facebook page and friend the head of marketing. Too bad social media is blocked on hospital computers.
"The Marketing Department has lost the Marketing cart somewhere within the hospital- have you seen it? I am totallyy lost without it. It is tan in color and says marketing on the side of it. If you can provide tips to the whereabouts of this cart, a warm fleece reward awaits you. Call me at ext. XXXXXX and I will gladly come and get it. Thanks!"
I believe "fleece" is also a name for counterfeit crack. Just sayin'. But it was nice that they were willing to heat it up.
We had a field day with this. Kate, Lee, Lynne, Kerry and I took pictures of various carts and emailed them to marketing over a couple of days. It took awhile for them to realize we were being humorous, but hey, they still think they're getting their cart back. "No, not our cart but thanks" was the response to images of the code cart (both adult and pedi), TV cart, suture cart, laundry cart and computer cart. I'm pretty sure it was the picture of the shopping cart that tipped them off, but it was surely the hot dog cart photo that pushed them over the edge. No response to that one.
Next week, we're going to start sending pictures of carts Photoshopped in places like the beach, bars, amusement parks, and the Statue of Liberty with interesting commentary on what an exciting time the cart is having instead of being cooped up in marketing. I think he best way to end it will be to open a Beige Marketing Cart Facebook page and friend the head of marketing. Too bad social media is blocked on hospital computers.
Friday, November 25, 2011
Snatch Purse
Ellen was the one who cut the article out of the local paper. One of our frequent patients had been arrested for stealing money from her friend in the amount of $2000. She ran to a neighbor's garage where police recovered about $120 in a bottle of ant killer. Although she denied stealing any money, having any money on her person, or having any connection whatsoever with cash in the bottle she later copped to having hidden roughly $1,654 in her vagina. She was taken into police custody after turning the cash over to the police. Nasty.
This, of course, prompted a discussion of the possible denominations she had managed to secret upon her skanky person as we pondered the required capacity.
"'l'll bet it was 16 hundreds, 2 twenties, 1 ten and 4 ones"
"Maybe it was all in silver dollars"
"How about a Traveler's check?"
"Nah, it had to have been $1,654 ones."
"Gold doubloons!"
I am only using my debit card from now on. My mother is right, money is dirty.
This, of course, prompted a discussion of the possible denominations she had managed to secret upon her skanky person as we pondered the required capacity.
"'l'll bet it was 16 hundreds, 2 twenties, 1 ten and 4 ones"
"Maybe it was all in silver dollars"
"How about a Traveler's check?"
"Nah, it had to have been $1,654 ones."
"Gold doubloons!"
I am only using my debit card from now on. My mother is right, money is dirty.
Saturday, November 19, 2011
Actual Dictation
"Patient is a 23 year old female well nourished and well developed in no acute distress. She is a recent graduate from collagen but is seeking employment".
No doubt her job hunting is in the field of esthetics.
No doubt her job hunting is in the field of esthetics.
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