Important Announcement

Attention K Mart shoppers!

The will of the masses has prevailed!  ER gowns are now clown-free.

They are now covered with Pooh.

On a completely unrelated topic....what the hell is up with glow in the dark pull-ups???

That is all.

Please return to your regularly scheduled program.

Just One Click Away from Armageddon

All day long all I hear is:

"Arrrrrrrgghhh!  EDnurseasauras help!  My whole dictation is frozen! What should I do!"

"EDNurseasauras!  How do I figure out how to add to an e-chart if I already closed it?"

"Damn!  That's the 5th time I've entered this order!  It just keeps getting kicked out!  Now what?"


I can usually figure out and fix most computer charting errors, glitches, transfers, work-arounds and fu*k-ups. And it's not because I am a SOOOOOOper User.

Mac: "It's a good thing you're here or our fat would be in the fryer.  How did you get so adept with all these computer issues?"

Me: "I click on every button and tab 'til I either run out, figure it out,  or beat it into submission.  I have absolutely no fear of pushing buttons which is why I would be a really bad choice have on a nuclear submarine"

Mac: "Yeah.  Oops.  There goes Argentina"

Me: "Exactly"

Maybe I Should Patent This...

Many of our chronic dental painters / narcotic entrepreneurs have horrible teeth, no doubt about it.  While their "horrible pain and can't afford a dentist" will probably be treated without suspicion initially, the subsequent 6 or 7 visits a month for 10/10 pain smack of insincerity and scamming behavior.  Most dental pain is treated with antibiotics and pain medication.  The more visits, the less likely it is that percocet will be on the discharge menu.  After a few of these visits, the savvy patient starts adding allergies; first ibuprofen, then tramadol.  Then tylenol, which would then eliminate percocet as a choice.  Clever seekers will say they have no trouble with the oxydocone, but that effectively shoots them in the foot since we never, ever give out plain oxy's in the ER.

When the patient is diagnosed with abcess, sometimes they get IV antibiotics.  Mostly they leave with a script for penicillin and pain meds.  Some doctors will write notations on the script numbering the penicillin "1 of 2".  When only script #2 is presented at the pharmacy (the pain med) this prompts a call from the pharmacist asking what the 1st script was, because the patient can only afford one of them.  Definitely needs antibiotics, they are told; maybe they should buy that instead of cigarettes.  The patient usually just goes away, to try and play us another day.

Why not just combine the antibiotic AND the pain med?  Percocillin!  Everybody is happy!

Cat and Mouse

Nobody has a sense of humor anymore, especially our IT people.

We are housed in an old building.  There are mice from time to time, tiny little field mice.  I haven't seen any in about 3 years, but one was spotted recently by a patient who got pretty upset about it and made all kinds of stupid demands, said she wasn't paying her bill, etc., etc., etc.

I got right on it.  I sent an internal request for someone to investigate our mouse problem.  Just for laughs, I sent it to IT.  I figured it would be a nice change from dealing with forgotten email passwords and taking turns writing about how wonderful they are on the hospital attaboy board.  I checked the box that said "mouse, wireless" and sent it on over.

Memo exchange follows:

TO: EDNurseasauras
From: IT
RE: Mouse Problem

IT is only responsible for hardware issues, computer programming malfunctions, Help Desk issues, and other system issues related to electronic charting, etc.  Your mouse problem does not fall under IT responsibility.  Please initialize request to facilities.

TO:  IT
From: EDNursesasauras
RE: Mouse Problem

That's ok, I'm more of a do-it-yourselfer.  In the absence of a mouse trouble-shooting tutorial, what kind of cheese would you recommend I initialize?

TO: EDNurseasauras
From: IT
RE: Really, it's not our problem but I suppose peanut butter might work.

TO: IT
From: EDNurseasauras
RE: It is now

If I catch the mouse, should I just disable it? Would there be any point in reinstalling?

TO: EDNurseasauras
From: IT
RE: Really???

Now you're messing with me, aren't you?
Do you even have a mouse problem?

Yep.  Also I know the location of the beige marketing cart.  And Jimmy Hoffa.

Eventually the facilities department set traps.
More on that later.

Today's Last Patient of the Night....

....was about 5 years old.  He had a cough, the same cough he has had for about a week and for which he has already seen his primary care on two occasions.  Nothing new about the cough and no new alarming symptoms he was just not Magically Better.

Partner in Crime brought in a child-sized gown for him to change into an mom immediately burst into tears.  Not because she was fearful for her child's health or unable to pay the bill.

"Give him another gown!", she shrieked, "it has clowns on it!  Take it off!"

Ohhhhkay.  I'll take the red nose off, sheesh.

Partner in Crime noted that all the kids' gowns have clowns on them.