I just don't tolerate being yelled at, especially on the phone.
Some old guy who had left the department with his wife about 10 minutes before I got there called, all agitated.
"I AM AT THE END OF MY ROPE! YOU PEOPLE CALLED ME AND TOLD ME MY WIFE LEFT HER SLIPPERS AND I COULD PICK THEM UP AT THE FRONT DESK! SHE HAD THEM WHEN SHE LEFT THERE IN THE AMBULANCE; NOW NOBODY KNOWS ANYTHING ABOUT IT! I NEED TO TALK TO LISA, SHE TOOK CARE OF MY WIFE TODAY! ARE YOU LISTENING? I CAN'T LOOK FOR SLIPPERS AND TAKE CARE OF MY WIFE TOO; IS THE DOCTOR THERE, I NEED TO TALK TO HIM!"
In the middle of his rant, I calmly but firmly said, "Sir I need you to stop yelling at me and calm down; I can't help you if you continue to raise your voice because I will be terminating this conversation; do you hear me sir? I need you to lower your voice right now and tell me that you understand"
The Talker rarely hears me use my Command Voice; he raised an eyebrow.
Meanwhile, the agitated old may continues to scream through my Noise Abatement Procedure.
Big sigh. "OK. I'm not yelling. My wife lost her slippers between there and the Mother Ship. I got a call from someone telling me I could pick them up at the front desk. I don't know which front desk, if it's at the hospital, or there, or at the ambulance. Can you find out"
"Sure, give my your phone number and I will try to find out. I can tell you that the slippers are not here (because I put the phone down and looked in the dirty utility room while you were busy trying to blow an aneurysm). I will call you soon"
I took down his number and called the ER at the Mother Ship.
I spoke to Katelyn, who went through the motions and was not very helpful, but she didn't have the slippers either. She said she would look out for them, though.
30 minutes later, I got a phone call from the Missus of Agitated Husband. She very calmly told me the same story. I explained that they were not in my department, nor were they located in the ER downtown. I gave her Katelyn's name and number though, because payback is a bitch.
ANOTHER 30 minutes later, Agitated Husband came to the ER and started yelling at Ellen. As always, trying to protect Ellen, I jumped up and ran around to the front desk; Julie was already on it. She takes no shit from anyone, but does it in a nice way. She told him to sit in the waiting room while she investigated, but he insisted on sitting at her desk.
Now I am all about helping people out, but come on; slippers? What is it with these slippers? What could possibly cause such angst? What the hell, are they the original Ruby Slippers? Diamond encrusted? Made of cats? Mink? Sheesh, take a chill.
By now I was bored with the whole ridiculous scenario so I took $10 out of my wallet, prepared to give it to the guy to buy the wife a new pair of blue fuzzy slippers to replace the old, worn out, filthy, stinky, cat hair laden, piss sodden slippers.
Julie, meanwhile, discovers an important piece of information that both the patient and Agitated Husband neglected to tell me; that the patient was admitted to the hospital as an inpatient FOUR DAYS AGO; her slippers are at the front desk on the 4th floor.
"Oh", says Agitated Husband, now mollified. "I'm not driving down there today".
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
The Bitch Box...Take a Number
For some reason, our CEO of less than a year thought it was a good idea to have a suggestion board on the hospital intranet web page. It is pretty entertaining; it is actually more of a bitch board. I am not sure what the educational level is of most of the individuals who post, but let's just say the spelling and grammar are not a priority. Neither is respectful, well thought out posting. Mostly it is about whining. I read it every day because eventually, the Clipboard Peeps are going to get tired of disrespectful and frivolous whining and pull the plug. For example:
"During the day the macaroni and cheese is $3.00 for a large scoop and $1.50 for a small scoop. The other evening I only wanted a little, so I took a small scoop. I was charged $3.00. When I pointed out to the cashier that the sign said it was less for a small scoop, she said it was $3.00 no matter how much you took! This is unfair; it should be a consistent price for both lunch and dinner!"
The food services manager replied that it was all a misunderstanding (yeah, a $1.50 misunderstanding in the cashier's pocket), that the evening cashier had been spoken to and that if the individual would present herself to the cafeteria she would get a refund and a free meal voucher. Score! One of the easier problems to solve.
Someone (and I have my suspicions) from our own ER wrote the following:
"I wish that someone would reconsider installing WiFI in our department. We have both outpatients and ER patients, many of whom are here for hours and hours with nothing to do but read a bunch of old National Geographics and watch a dinky old TV. This is unacceptable and crappy customer service. Since we are required to have closed captioning, the TV is so old that the captioning takes up half the screen. Besides that the TV is on an old rickety table that is a danger to young unruly kidz (actual spelling)and you can only see the TV anyway if you are right in front of it"
The response came from one of the undersecretary Suits in Charge of Stupid Shit:
"We appreciate that your facility is something of a unique entity. While we have not budgeted for the installation of WiFi for this fiscal year, you will be getting a new, larger, wall mounted television in the near future". I call that...not exactly compromise, but we do get something. I hope that the Mother Ship day shift won't be missing ESPN on their cafeteria TV much.
Here's another:
"What is the policy on charge pay? It seems that some of the managers give it out, and some don't. If a manager is on during the day and up to her butt (actually written) in paper work or in meetings with no real understanding of what is going on with the floor, she is not actually managing, now is she? The person who is dealing with the day to day, admissions, and generally overseeing of the floor should be compensated for taking on the added responsibility"
Of course the Head Cheese, that is, the Big Stinky Cheese, wanted name, rank and serial number of the complainant. No resolution that I can see, since most of the managers (who haven't been fired) have been looking for ways to cut, cut, cut. Let's cheat nurses out of charge pay, good idea. Excellent leadership.
This was another nugget of awesomeness:
"How many calories are in the large chocolate chip cookies sold in the lobby coffee shop?"
Seriously?
And because nobody has the balls to say they don't like it, this little gem:
" What is the policy on co-workers peddling their own or their children's or grandchildren's fundaisers? I should not be subjigated to the constant baerage (actual spelling on both) of cookies, candles, wrapping paper or lottery tickets when I come to work".
Douchie complainer was referred to current policy, chapter and verse. And advised to grow a pair and just say no.
One individual, having obviously submitted several complaints on the same issue, the new health insurance provider for the company, was not satisfied with the response:
"Why can't you ever give a straight answer insted (actual spelling) of dancing around the issue? It is extremely frustrating!"
Yeah, we feel your pain.
"Last year there was a new policy that clinical managers would be working two clinical shifts per month; in the last 7 months Floor X has not seen Manager X slinging bedpans, giving meds, or doing any actual nursing tasks that are directly related to patient care. In fact, I have never seen our manager actually touch a patient. How do you respond to this" (Name of manager and floor removed by administrator)
Big Stinky Cheese: "All floor managers have been directed to take an active and participatory clinical role two shifts per month; we feel it is an important leadership activity. We have reinforced with all clinical managers that this is a priority".
In response, I would just like to say:
1. Go Greyhound! Don't know if it is just this manager, but I doubt it.
2. "Activity"??!! WTF.
More later.
"During the day the macaroni and cheese is $3.00 for a large scoop and $1.50 for a small scoop. The other evening I only wanted a little, so I took a small scoop. I was charged $3.00. When I pointed out to the cashier that the sign said it was less for a small scoop, she said it was $3.00 no matter how much you took! This is unfair; it should be a consistent price for both lunch and dinner!"
The food services manager replied that it was all a misunderstanding (yeah, a $1.50 misunderstanding in the cashier's pocket), that the evening cashier had been spoken to and that if the individual would present herself to the cafeteria she would get a refund and a free meal voucher. Score! One of the easier problems to solve.
Someone (and I have my suspicions) from our own ER wrote the following:
"I wish that someone would reconsider installing WiFI in our department. We have both outpatients and ER patients, many of whom are here for hours and hours with nothing to do but read a bunch of old National Geographics and watch a dinky old TV. This is unacceptable and crappy customer service. Since we are required to have closed captioning, the TV is so old that the captioning takes up half the screen. Besides that the TV is on an old rickety table that is a danger to young unruly kidz (actual spelling)and you can only see the TV anyway if you are right in front of it"
The response came from one of the undersecretary Suits in Charge of Stupid Shit:
"We appreciate that your facility is something of a unique entity. While we have not budgeted for the installation of WiFi for this fiscal year, you will be getting a new, larger, wall mounted television in the near future". I call that...not exactly compromise, but we do get something. I hope that the Mother Ship day shift won't be missing ESPN on their cafeteria TV much.
Here's another:
"What is the policy on charge pay? It seems that some of the managers give it out, and some don't. If a manager is on during the day and up to her butt (actually written) in paper work or in meetings with no real understanding of what is going on with the floor, she is not actually managing, now is she? The person who is dealing with the day to day, admissions, and generally overseeing of the floor should be compensated for taking on the added responsibility"
Of course the Head Cheese, that is, the Big Stinky Cheese, wanted name, rank and serial number of the complainant. No resolution that I can see, since most of the managers (who haven't been fired) have been looking for ways to cut, cut, cut. Let's cheat nurses out of charge pay, good idea. Excellent leadership.
This was another nugget of awesomeness:
"How many calories are in the large chocolate chip cookies sold in the lobby coffee shop?"
Seriously?
And because nobody has the balls to say they don't like it, this little gem:
" What is the policy on co-workers peddling their own or their children's or grandchildren's fundaisers? I should not be subjigated to the constant baerage (actual spelling on both) of cookies, candles, wrapping paper or lottery tickets when I come to work".
Douchie complainer was referred to current policy, chapter and verse. And advised to grow a pair and just say no.
One individual, having obviously submitted several complaints on the same issue, the new health insurance provider for the company, was not satisfied with the response:
"Why can't you ever give a straight answer insted (actual spelling) of dancing around the issue? It is extremely frustrating!"
Yeah, we feel your pain.
"Last year there was a new policy that clinical managers would be working two clinical shifts per month; in the last 7 months Floor X has not seen Manager X slinging bedpans, giving meds, or doing any actual nursing tasks that are directly related to patient care. In fact, I have never seen our manager actually touch a patient. How do you respond to this" (Name of manager and floor removed by administrator)
Big Stinky Cheese: "All floor managers have been directed to take an active and participatory clinical role two shifts per month; we feel it is an important leadership activity. We have reinforced with all clinical managers that this is a priority".
In response, I would just like to say:
1. Go Greyhound! Don't know if it is just this manager, but I doubt it.
2. "Activity"??!! WTF.
More later.
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Today's Last Patient of the Night
When we have been patient-free for the last 2 hours of the shift, the final 10 minutes before we release the crocs into the moat, pull up the drawbridge and lock the castle can be stressful. We lock the various cabinets, restock what needs to be restocked, and watch the camera.
Sure enough, at 10:5o someone pulls into the parking lot.
Sigh. Hopefully it is something quick; the doors may lock at 11 PM, but the empathy shuts off at 10 PM.
It is an annoying child with a really annoying father. The father decides that the most important thing on his agenda upon entering the department is taking a piss. I decide to interview the kid; she appeared to be anywhere between 11 and 13.
Reason for visit: "My ear is swollen".
Hmmm. It appears the kid had gotten her ears pierced 6 days before and had a swollen ear lobe for 2 days. NOW it's an emergency. Not.
The father was back, so the kid I ignored since she had a steady stream of verbal diarrhea going: "What are you going to do? Will you have to take out the earring? What will happen to the hole? Will it hurt? Will I need stitches? Why is the sky blue? Do you have any chocolate?"
This, apparently, is the second time the girl had gotten an infection in a freshly pierced ear lobe.
Annoying child had fat earlobes to begin with, just the kind that don't do well with the standard sized pierced ear studs; what she needed was some kind of hoop. Or much longer studs. Or not to pierce her ears at all.
Cripes already had his jacket on and one foot out the door when I told him he had another patient. "Not abdominal pain....something pretty quick", I said to him as he looked crestfallen after a 16 hour shift.
The first thing this 11 year old did was to PUT HER HANDS OVER BOTH HER EARS. Unacceptable. Annoying father was a big help as you can imagine. Why is it that as we approach closing time the IQ of the patients drops exponentially?
Sure enough, at 10:5o someone pulls into the parking lot.
Sigh. Hopefully it is something quick; the doors may lock at 11 PM, but the empathy shuts off at 10 PM.
It is an annoying child with a really annoying father. The father decides that the most important thing on his agenda upon entering the department is taking a piss. I decide to interview the kid; she appeared to be anywhere between 11 and 13.
Reason for visit: "My ear is swollen".
Hmmm. It appears the kid had gotten her ears pierced 6 days before and had a swollen ear lobe for 2 days. NOW it's an emergency. Not.
The father was back, so the kid I ignored since she had a steady stream of verbal diarrhea going: "What are you going to do? Will you have to take out the earring? What will happen to the hole? Will it hurt? Will I need stitches? Why is the sky blue? Do you have any chocolate?"
This, apparently, is the second time the girl had gotten an infection in a freshly pierced ear lobe.
Annoying child had fat earlobes to begin with, just the kind that don't do well with the standard sized pierced ear studs; what she needed was some kind of hoop. Or much longer studs. Or not to pierce her ears at all.
Cripes already had his jacket on and one foot out the door when I told him he had another patient. "Not abdominal pain....something pretty quick", I said to him as he looked crestfallen after a 16 hour shift.
The first thing this 11 year old did was to PUT HER HANDS OVER BOTH HER EARS. Unacceptable. Annoying father was a big help as you can imagine. Why is it that as we approach closing time the IQ of the patients drops exponentially?
Friday, March 18, 2011
Schedule Crap
I covered the day shift for Mikki for a few hours today. It was me and SIC, who regaled me with the fascinating tale of her husband's Lasek surgery escapades. As if I needed an inducement to take a nap. Hate getting up for the day shift.
There are boatloads of outpatients during the day but not a whole lotta ER patients; they all wait to come in after 3 PM. One young girl with a probable kidney stone was sent to the Mother Ship for a CT scan. The Talker did some fast work. I had time to do some school work for awhile, albeit half-heartedly.
Jane and SIC are friends; they are neighbors and share religious leanings. They spend a lot of time together even though Jane knows SIC walks all over her; takes over during staff meetings; tries to bully Jane into other stuff like, get this, "I think we all need to wear the same color scrubs; like this teal and blue, and always wear a white lab coat!".
Hahahahahaha! No.
I have one advantage over Jane, though; for some reason, SIC is afraid of me, or afraid of riling me up, or afraid of being on the receiving end of one of my rants, or just afraid of not being one of the cool kids. Which she is not. But I am always pleasant and cordial to her, so I don't know why...oh, bull. Of course I know; she just feels inferior, but to be honest, I am not an ER nurse snob when people are doing the work to the best of their ability. And she is very caing and giving. Are you convinced? Didn't think so. No really, she is a good nurse. I would want her to take care of my family members, it's just that she is lacking in the communication department and thinks she is the boss, hence the name. If she was manager, I would quit because it would be unbearable. And that's all I have to say about that.
Anyway, we got to talking about the schedule, Jane and SIC and I. SIC very cautiously approached a notation on the schedule that I had made for Easter; "available". She really wanted it off, and it was a good thing she asked today because I might have made plans by tomorrow.
"Sure, I'll work it for you; I don't mind, and I don't have any plans. Easter really isn't on the agnostic liturgical calendar". I think that bothered her. A little.
The schedule is usually a bone of contention with some. We are a nursing staff numbering about 10. Almost everyone is flexible when it comes to the schedule, with the possible exception of Kerry; she has little kids and a husband who works evenings in their restaurant, so I certainly don't have a problem with that. That said, there is absolutely no need to have the schedule done FOUR MONTHS in advance. Talk about painting yourself into a corner. New Cathy is famous for "getting the new schedule started" even though I told her she is forbidden to do it more than two months in advance. New Cathy isn't afraid of me, apparently, but from another standpoint it really isn't fair that she gets first pick of the evening shift EVERY MONTH. Jane and I are going to have a little discussion about that. I hate to go that route, but I will if I have to; the day shift take turns on a rotating basis putting down their preferred schedule and I am not above insisting on that if I must.
SIC let it slip that Lisa, a day shifter, has started a schedule (that includes the
4th of July, sheesh!) and has kept it in her bag so as not to enrage me; I thought it was both funny and pathetic, so I left her this note:
"Dear Lisa,
You coward! I know that you have the schedule started and are afraid to post it...SEE ME!!!
Ednurseasauras"
I was kidding of course, Lisa is a good egg; if we worked together all the time we would constantly be in trouble.
The problem is that the schedule for the 4rh of July would open up a huge can of worms. Four of us want part of the first 2 weeks of July off. My name is second on the list after Mikki, who counts every second of time, every fragment of charge pay, and has a persecution complex. She just always thinks there is a conspiracy in which she is being targeted. It's bullshit, of course. She and I actually worked last July 4th. I really don' t care since I need a lot of the month of June of for various social engagements. I can always use July 4th as a bargaining chip, but Mikki had off Christmas week, a week off in February and is going to a conference in May for which she needs time off.
Me? I took a week off at the beginning of December, one day in February, and have been paying in blood for every Sunday off since last September between Mikki, Sherry and SIC who needs practically the month of April off and which I have accomodated.
I am thinking that I will probably be off July 4th.
There are boatloads of outpatients during the day but not a whole lotta ER patients; they all wait to come in after 3 PM. One young girl with a probable kidney stone was sent to the Mother Ship for a CT scan. The Talker did some fast work. I had time to do some school work for awhile, albeit half-heartedly.
Jane and SIC are friends; they are neighbors and share religious leanings. They spend a lot of time together even though Jane knows SIC walks all over her; takes over during staff meetings; tries to bully Jane into other stuff like, get this, "I think we all need to wear the same color scrubs; like this teal and blue, and always wear a white lab coat!".
Hahahahahaha! No.
I have one advantage over Jane, though; for some reason, SIC is afraid of me, or afraid of riling me up, or afraid of being on the receiving end of one of my rants, or just afraid of not being one of the cool kids. Which she is not. But I am always pleasant and cordial to her, so I don't know why...oh, bull. Of course I know; she just feels inferior, but to be honest, I am not an ER nurse snob when people are doing the work to the best of their ability. And she is very caing and giving. Are you convinced? Didn't think so. No really, she is a good nurse. I would want her to take care of my family members, it's just that she is lacking in the communication department and thinks she is the boss, hence the name. If she was manager, I would quit because it would be unbearable. And that's all I have to say about that.
Anyway, we got to talking about the schedule, Jane and SIC and I. SIC very cautiously approached a notation on the schedule that I had made for Easter; "available". She really wanted it off, and it was a good thing she asked today because I might have made plans by tomorrow.
"Sure, I'll work it for you; I don't mind, and I don't have any plans. Easter really isn't on the agnostic liturgical calendar". I think that bothered her. A little.
The schedule is usually a bone of contention with some. We are a nursing staff numbering about 10. Almost everyone is flexible when it comes to the schedule, with the possible exception of Kerry; she has little kids and a husband who works evenings in their restaurant, so I certainly don't have a problem with that. That said, there is absolutely no need to have the schedule done FOUR MONTHS in advance. Talk about painting yourself into a corner. New Cathy is famous for "getting the new schedule started" even though I told her she is forbidden to do it more than two months in advance. New Cathy isn't afraid of me, apparently, but from another standpoint it really isn't fair that she gets first pick of the evening shift EVERY MONTH. Jane and I are going to have a little discussion about that. I hate to go that route, but I will if I have to; the day shift take turns on a rotating basis putting down their preferred schedule and I am not above insisting on that if I must.
SIC let it slip that Lisa, a day shifter, has started a schedule (that includes the
4th of July, sheesh!) and has kept it in her bag so as not to enrage me; I thought it was both funny and pathetic, so I left her this note:
"Dear Lisa,
You coward! I know that you have the schedule started and are afraid to post it...SEE ME!!!
Ednurseasauras"
I was kidding of course, Lisa is a good egg; if we worked together all the time we would constantly be in trouble.
The problem is that the schedule for the 4rh of July would open up a huge can of worms. Four of us want part of the first 2 weeks of July off. My name is second on the list after Mikki, who counts every second of time, every fragment of charge pay, and has a persecution complex. She just always thinks there is a conspiracy in which she is being targeted. It's bullshit, of course. She and I actually worked last July 4th. I really don' t care since I need a lot of the month of June of for various social engagements. I can always use July 4th as a bargaining chip, but Mikki had off Christmas week, a week off in February and is going to a conference in May for which she needs time off.
Me? I took a week off at the beginning of December, one day in February, and have been paying in blood for every Sunday off since last September between Mikki, Sherry and SIC who needs practically the month of April off and which I have accomodated.
I am thinking that I will probably be off July 4th.
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Happy St. Paddy's Day
Southern Cathy and I worked St. Patrick's day last year; it was crazy, crazy busy, of course. We never got dinner, a snack or a chance to go the bathroom. We wanted to go to Kerry's for a pint.
Kerry's restaurant usually has a pretty good St. Patrick's day festival; Irish dancers, a band or two and more Guinness than you can shake a shillelagh at.
Of course we were starving when we got there a little before midnight. Kerry was helping out at the bar as she usually does on that holiday; tradition. We were crushed that the kitchen was closed. But hey, Kerry had a back up for us.
"I'll get you some corned beef pizza, you'll love it! I invented the recipe myself"
Eeeuw, I thought. I would rather she put cheese and sauce on a pizza box. I loathe everything about corned beef; the smell, the texture and the especially the taste. Nana made a boiled dinner twice a year, and I made sure to leave the house for that event (something we talked about just this morning). The odor permeated the house and my clothes for days. And to add insult to injury, the leftovers were turned into unappetizing lumps of mystery-meat-like pattys known as corned beef hash. I'm sure it was delicious in its own way, but I ate it with extreme prejudice and completely covered in ketchup. At the time, it was enough to gag a maggot. Nana loves corned beef; she was headed out with her friends to the pub, anxious to listen to Irish music, drink green beer and of course eat boiled dinner. As I said....eeeuw.
Seriously? Corned beef pizza?
We were so hungry we actually liked it. Everything is better withbeer a proper pint. Can't wait to get off work, hope you get some of your own!
Kerry's restaurant usually has a pretty good St. Patrick's day festival; Irish dancers, a band or two and more Guinness than you can shake a shillelagh at.
Of course we were starving when we got there a little before midnight. Kerry was helping out at the bar as she usually does on that holiday; tradition. We were crushed that the kitchen was closed. But hey, Kerry had a back up for us.
"I'll get you some corned beef pizza, you'll love it! I invented the recipe myself"
Eeeuw, I thought. I would rather she put cheese and sauce on a pizza box. I loathe everything about corned beef; the smell, the texture and the especially the taste. Nana made a boiled dinner twice a year, and I made sure to leave the house for that event (something we talked about just this morning). The odor permeated the house and my clothes for days. And to add insult to injury, the leftovers were turned into unappetizing lumps of mystery-meat-like pattys known as corned beef hash. I'm sure it was delicious in its own way, but I ate it with extreme prejudice and completely covered in ketchup. At the time, it was enough to gag a maggot. Nana loves corned beef; she was headed out with her friends to the pub, anxious to listen to Irish music, drink green beer and of course eat boiled dinner. As I said....eeeuw.
Seriously? Corned beef pizza?
We were so hungry we actually liked it. Everything is better with
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