Gotta love The Pirate.
The Pirate lost his first psych patient who ran out the door shouting, "Fuck you! I'm not staying in the fucking hospital!" After allegedly taking an overdose and adding another couple of cutting notches to her arm she "just wanted to be stitched up and go home".
The Pirate, who does proof-read his dictations, charted exactly those words.
I always used to chart the profanity patients used until I was told by some Clip Board nurse that I really should not be charting the actual profanity. I should just write "patient used the F word" or some shit like that.
"I went to a seminar with a bunch of lawyers who said I should absolutely write what the patient said in quotes because it's about the last thing anyone wants read aloud in court".
Word. My charts are gonna look a whole lot more interesting from now on.
Wednesday, February 6, 2013
Tuesday, February 5, 2013
Ooooh......Pretty!
Partner in Crime had already spiked a bag of Avelox when Parvati changed her mind...two more times.
Which is why we no longer take any more verbal orders from Parvati.
Anyhoo, we kept the bag of expensive IV antibiotic around hoping we would be able to use it for another patient, but alas, it was not to be.
"Let's put it in the refrigerator and see what happens", I suggested. "It says not to because it causes precipitation"
24 hours later this is what we got. Looks like feathers to me (note my Magic 8 Ball and Sarcasm Ball in the background)
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| Questions? |
Monday, February 4, 2013
Reap This
Today I walked into a day-shift shit storm as they were transferring a successful (read: "alive") code enroute to higher level of care. There were lots of people waiting, some of whom had been waiting quite a while. There was a handful of nice respectful individuals who were aware that a life-death situation was occurring. They were calmly and appropriately waiting their turns.
Then there was Angry Woman. She had a cat scratch. She had been waiting over an hour. SHE WAS AT RISK FOR INFECTION and creating all kinds of ruckus to the point where my boss became involved as my co-workers labored to transfer the nearly expired patient.
Yawn.
Jane: "I made nice with her. She is waiting for Parvati to see her. And she wants her B12 shot, she usually gets that as an outpatient, she doesn't have an order for it soIcalledovertoeherprimarycareandI'mwaitingforafax", she finished rapidly, probably hoping I didn't hear it.
Me: "So, let me get this straight. She has an emergent cat bite and came in for an emergent B12 shot for which she doesn't have an order and she has made a scene and threatened to leave if she doesn't get it in the next five minutes and you have placated her, is that correct?"
Jane: "Um, yes?"
Me: "OK, I lost interest in that 5 minutes ago. I'm going to do EKG's and line and lab a syncope patient. Have fun with the douchey Angry Woman". I walked off to retrieve the IV bucket and EKG machine, but not before I asked Angry Woman to take her Loud Hallway Douchey Telephone Yelling Session With Her Primary Care Provider's Office out of my hallway and into a room. Eventually she stalked out, but Jane had told Angry Woman that she would call when the order came in.
I politely told Jane that if I was busy with ACTUAL EMERGENCY patients that I would not be calling the shrew. It was not pertinent to emergency care.
About 20 minutes later Ellen brought me a fax referencing Angry Woman from her primary care that read: "Re: Vitamin B 12. Angry Woman called from the ER and stated that she would leave if the order was not faxed in 5 minutes"
Hahahahaha!
Me: "Um, that's not an order, Jane"
Jane: "Sure it is....isn't it?"
Me: "Jane. No diagnosis, no dosage, no route. Not signed. Definitely not an order"
Jane: "Her primary care office said she was a mumblemumblemumble"
Me: "Excuse me?"
Jane: "They said she wasa bitch difficult"
Me: "As ye sow, blah, blah blah"
Sometimes squeaky wheels just get the well-deserved shaft.
Then there was Angry Woman. She had a cat scratch. She had been waiting over an hour. SHE WAS AT RISK FOR INFECTION and creating all kinds of ruckus to the point where my boss became involved as my co-workers labored to transfer the nearly expired patient.
Yawn.
Jane: "I made nice with her. She is waiting for Parvati to see her. And she wants her B12 shot, she usually gets that as an outpatient, she doesn't have an order for it soIcalledovertoeherprimarycareandI'mwaitingforafax", she finished rapidly, probably hoping I didn't hear it.
Me: "So, let me get this straight. She has an emergent cat bite and came in for an emergent B12 shot for which she doesn't have an order and she has made a scene and threatened to leave if she doesn't get it in the next five minutes and you have placated her, is that correct?"
Jane: "Um, yes?"
Me: "OK, I lost interest in that 5 minutes ago. I'm going to do EKG's and line and lab a syncope patient. Have fun with the douchey Angry Woman". I walked off to retrieve the IV bucket and EKG machine, but not before I asked Angry Woman to take her Loud Hallway Douchey Telephone Yelling Session With Her Primary Care Provider's Office out of my hallway and into a room. Eventually she stalked out, but Jane had told Angry Woman that she would call when the order came in.
I politely told Jane that if I was busy with ACTUAL EMERGENCY patients that I would not be calling the shrew. It was not pertinent to emergency care.
About 20 minutes later Ellen brought me a fax referencing Angry Woman from her primary care that read: "Re: Vitamin B 12. Angry Woman called from the ER and stated that she would leave if the order was not faxed in 5 minutes"
Hahahahaha!
Me: "Um, that's not an order, Jane"
Jane: "Sure it is....isn't it?"
Me: "Jane. No diagnosis, no dosage, no route. Not signed. Definitely not an order"
Jane: "Her primary care office said she was a mumblemumblemumble"
Me: "Excuse me?"
Jane: "They said she was
Me: "As ye sow, blah, blah blah"
Sometimes squeaky wheels just get the well-deserved shaft.
Sunday, February 3, 2013
Cat and Mouse, 2.1
"Missus! Missus! There's a mouse in the kitchen!"
Esma insists on calling me Missus even though I've repeatedly told her to call me by my first name; we don't stand on ceremony here. Maybe she just can't be bothered to learn everybody's names. Anyway, Missus it is.
I walked back to find the offending critter who, having evaded the numerous traps placed and forgotten months ago by the pest control people, was now emboldened to storm the kitchen. I moved a box to see the little rodent perched under the monitor.
We stared at each other for a moment. Critter twitched his whiskers nonchalantly. "Hmmm....Esma, watch him for a minute I'm going to get my phone". It has become the most obvious thing to do in this electronic era. Take a picture.
He posed quite contentedly for several minutes until I got bored and tried to poke him into the trash bucket with the mop handle, all the while Esma laughing and squealing, "Get it! Get it!".
Off it ran into my boss's office on the loose once again. I sent her the above picture with the following text of her adorable little guest.
It is still out there......somewhere.
Thursday, January 24, 2013
Shorts
Stinkiferous: describing lingering, sometimes noxious odor in a treatment room long after the individual(s) have departed. Examples are hockey and football equipment and feet, soccer shin pads, and any patient who works at the local candle factory.
I have had enough of posters and sign up sheets for fund raisers. FYI: I will not be doing any further collection of books, clothing, or winter camping gear that will then be distributed by the hospital for bragging rights for the wonderfulness of their humanitarian efforts.
Also, I will not be running any charity 3K's or 5K's for any more causes unless it is for a definitive cure for stupid.
Gil: "It's going to be a six hammer night". Reference: sometimes people need to be beaten with a hammer. Please note that I am not talking about patients.
Wonderful World of Speech-to-Text Dictations in which Mac Does Not Proof-Read:
"The patient has recurrent tooth pain. Her only problem be self once she has her teeth extracted. However there does not appear to be readily feasible or likely to happen"
"UV strep test and flu tests were negatibe as likely to have the same upper respiratory infection however he is been sick now for about a week longer continue to uese the Zofran as necessary for nausea and robitussin with codeine 1 teaspoon every 6 hours as necessary for cough if in 5-7 days Asian R 20 better adn the cough persists started on Zithromaz as directed once daily follow up with your doctor in 7-19 days if not market lee better"
Asian R 20? Market lee better? 7-19 days? WTF?
I have had enough of posters and sign up sheets for fund raisers. FYI: I will not be doing any further collection of books, clothing, or winter camping gear that will then be distributed by the hospital for bragging rights for the wonderfulness of their humanitarian efforts.
Also, I will not be running any charity 3K's or 5K's for any more causes unless it is for a definitive cure for stupid.
Gil: "It's going to be a six hammer night". Reference: sometimes people need to be beaten with a hammer. Please note that I am not talking about patients.
Wonderful World of Speech-to-Text Dictations in which Mac Does Not Proof-Read:
"The patient has recurrent tooth pain. Her only problem be self once she has her teeth extracted. However there does not appear to be readily feasible or likely to happen"
"UV strep test and flu tests were negatibe as likely to have the same upper respiratory infection however he is been sick now for about a week longer continue to uese the Zofran as necessary for nausea and robitussin with codeine 1 teaspoon every 6 hours as necessary for cough if in 5-7 days Asian R 20 better adn the cough persists started on Zithromaz as directed once daily follow up with your doctor in 7-19 days if not market lee better"
Asian R 20? Market lee better? 7-19 days? WTF?
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