Saturday, May 14, 2011

Dear Narcotic Seeker, an Open Letter...

I see you have had a number of visits for your Holy Trinity of Chronic Complaints (dental pain, back pain, migraine).  I make no apology for placing you in the waiting room.  Just so you know, the medical professionals upon whom you depend for your endless supply of prescriptions for Percocet are busy with actual emergencies today.  Two happen to be busy trying very hard not to die, one before we can get a helicopter here to transport her to Big City Hospital. 

Ellen, our secretary to whom you give the same information every time you come in, is busy trying to assist the professional staff by making phone calls and other duties since the nurses are up to their assholes in alligators.  It is inappropriate for you to lie on the floor in the waiting room and moan for a blanket. Frankly, we just don't care what you do or how much you act like a total douche; however, you are a distraction for Ellen, and you are making the small children and your fellow douchetards in the waiting area uncomfortable. 

If you sit in the chair like a grown-up and behave yourself, you might be seen by the doctor in the next two hours.  You might get one Percocet if you are a good little narc-seeker; however, telling me "Kiss my ass!" is not going to endear you to anyone.
With Disgust,


Kaliki said...

Hi, I love your blog and read it all the time, and just laugh. I am a hospice nurse, and if you think ED humor is great, you should try hospice humor. Truly I could never do your job with all those entitled drug seekers. I just want to make one small comment. I have fibromyalgia, and it is "real". It may be in my head, but all pain is in our head, ultimately. I have never been to the ED because of it, never taken opioids, only missed a couple of days work in years because of fibro. However, I am sore all the time, it hurts to do everything. It is a huge pain in the butt. So could you please be a little more gentle with the fibromyalgeurs?

EDNurseasauras said...

Hi Kaliki,
I am glad you enjoy the blog. You must understand that I write about MY experiences, which are unique to me. I appreciate that there are countless individuals with chronic pain issues who are living, working, and enjoying life as best they can while dealing with daily pain. Most, however, are not seen 30 times a year in the ER to manage it. I have utmost respect and empathy for people who do cope, people such as yourself. Kudos to you, and I mean that sincerely.

From MY PERSONAL perspective, there are a frightening number of people who do use chronic painful conditions such as fibromyalgia or migraine as a means to an end. They never bother to see their primary care. They do not work. They have free care. When I am referring to patients with these complaints or individuals with migraine, dental pain, or chronic back pain, I speak of those who come to the ER looking to score narcotics; end of story. That is all they want, and they are aggresive with the physicians, bully my administrative staff, and suck the life out of my nurses. I see A LOT of people who in all likelihood sell the stuff. So please, please, do not take offense. My ranting is not directed to individuals such as yourself, but to those who abuse the system, my department, and myself. I try not to paint everyone with the same brush; but when that is all you see, it is difficult. I think that compared to many, I am pretty gentle with fibromyalgeurs. Best wishes to you, and I hope you continue to read this blog.

Kaliki said...

Thanks, I appreciate your comment. And I get it, too. It was a good explanation. I have a whole different experience and mindset, for in hospice, pain is what the patient says it is, and we go after it aggressively. The vast majority do not exploit this, but we do have idiot family members selling the patient's drugs on the street, and so forth. And we have many gaming the system, too. ("you won't pay for me to go see my girlfriend get her hair braided? I'm calling the ACLU! Me: Let me get you their number.)

Penelope Rock said...

"You might get one Percocet if you are a good little narc-seeker; however, telling me "Kiss my ass!" is not going to endear you to anyone."

This is definitely an abuse from patients, eh. It is better for patients to be careful with their words for them to experience the joy in healthcare from their nurses and doctors, eh.

Thanks for sharing,
Peny@littman steth

Mags said...

The more I read about drug-seekers claiming migraine pain, the more it pisses me off. Those people give those of us who really do get migraines a bad name.