It is Nurses Week. Time to roll out a day by day schedule to honor the wonderful nurses:
Sundaes on Sunday, all shifts all units: note that our unit did not get them, being off-shift and off-site. Apparently none of the oh-so-important 9-5'ers considered us worthy of ice cream.
Appetizers in the Lobby: an Invitation-Only event singling out advanced practice nurses, nurses with professional certification, or nurses who have completed the clinical ladder "Jumping Through Hoops in Order to Get a 20 cent Raise If You Are At the Top of The Pay Scale" paperwork. Way to exclude 95% of the nurses, dear employer, as if our profession isn't divisive enough as it is.
Bagels: only for the home care people. Didn't say if cream cheese was included, or if it was BYO.
Nursing Grand Rounds: Always a boring affair, not worth the drive. Usually some doctor hijacks the meeting. No food either.
Mini Mall in the Lobby: Big whoop. I am assuming that since it is in the lobby, it is also open to the public. Wonderful opportunity to spend money on ourselves, during our scheduled breaks of course, if there is enough staff to take them. If so then there will be smoothies, candy offerings and soft pretzels. For purchase in the cafeteria. So much pampering. I can hardly stand it.
Midnight Breakfast: For the night shift, between 12 and 2 AM. In my experience and years of working nights, this is the busiest time. Except from 6-7, when it would be more convenient for the Suits who claim to be coming in to serve breakfast. Most likely the same Suits who said we would be getting Sundaes, so be sure to bring a snack, kids
Hourly Raffles and Free Giveaways: Most likely free swag from drug reps and cheap crap like key chains and water bottles with the company logo so we can be walking advertisements. Nice. It would be considered a sincere gesture if they raffled off a day off with pay, or a massage, or even a donation to a charity of our choice.
Finally, Bagels: from 6-8 AM on Saturday morning. I suspect they will be leftovers from home care several days previously. Frankly I would prefer Pop Tarts.
Bobo, our medical director and somewhat socially challenged on his best days has actually paid out of his own pocket for some nurses day gift (I think his wife is a nurse). In the past we have received lunch bags, t shirts, and coffee mugs. But slogans like "Nurses Call the Shots", "Love a Nurse PRN", "Nurses Rock" and other silliness goes right to the bottom of the charity bag for me. Let me say that I truly appreciate that he has taken the time and effort to do this. I really do. But I actually hate that more than the company logo.
At my nursing school graduation 35 years ago, one speaker exhorted us as newly minted nurses never to condone slogans that exploit us as men and women in health care, perpetuate stereotypes, and fail to present nurses as professionals. Big boobs, thigh highs and stilettos, giant syringes.....you know what I'm talking about. I have a few Emergency Nurses Association coffee mugs from a former boss that are tasteful, but other than that I say NO to silly slogans.
The only Nurses Week recognition I'm looking for is just a little sincere appreciation for the job I do from my employer. Sincerity is not one of their strong points, so hopefully my boss will come through with the ice cream.