I've Just....Checked Out

I worked a princess shift in return for a favor from Partner in Crime, which got me home in plenty of time to eat the Chinese food that I had picked up on my way.  It was too hot to eat,  I mean thermally, quite a new experience and quite nice I must say; most occasions when I order out at work I get to eat it 2 hours later.  Which means cold.  At the restaurant, the hostess at the desk greeted me by name, which is probably an indication that I have ordered there a little too often.  Ah, well.  Stress eating continues unabated.

So I've been mourning this whole loss of job thing for about a month now.  I am stuck at angry.  Kind of.  When did filling out applications become so tedious?  Does anybody really care that I made $5.50 per hour in my first job after passing my boards?  Is it even relevant?  Does anybody who works in human resources have opposable thumbs or return phone calls?  Do nurse managers really let these people do the hiring?

Rumors, rumors, rumors.  Never mind a No Spin Zone, there is not even gravity with nothing concrete from management, which has somehow decided that my entire department was unworthy to participate in the employee satisfaction survey.  Mine would have been just as negative as the last one, but wow.  Just...wow.

I have cast my net wide in my search for employment.  My co-workers and I have exchanged information for the purpose of references, each of us naming the others "charge nurses", which is bullshit because we are all charge nurses and collect the whopping $1.50 per hour on an equal basis.  Hopefully we won't be called on any jobs for which more than one of us are apply.  That would be  Awwwwkwarred!!! Only two of us seem to be actively searching, but there isn't much out there.  I even bullied Gil into giving me his phone number for a reference with the promise that when we worked together over the weekend it might improve my attitude.  Don't hold your breath on that one, bro.  He laughed and told me it would all work out OK.  Umm, nope.

I have pretty much lost my sense of humor at work.  No, I am not OK.  I'm not OK with any of this. My attitude sucks, and I don't see any improvement coming in the next weeks.   I seem to lack the gene for seeing the glass as 1/2 full right now.  I am disengaging, putting paid to this chapter in preparation for moving on.  I kind of just do that, I might talk to people for months, a few years perhaps.  Mostly my work friends have just faded into the past with the exception of one or two whom I regard as most likely to call if I need to bury a body; you might not see them for a few years, but you know they will always come running.  It's harder this time because the community is disintegrating and scattering to the four winds; there will not be any core group of people to return to or visit with.

So.

I have mentally just....checked out.