On evaluations and raises

I continue to work about four hours a month per diem back at Ye Olde Medde Center.  They would like me to work more, but….no.  It is different now.  Most of the same people, but with just enough….differentness to make it not a place to really want to call home.  And not to be too literal, but the place was torn down and rebuilt.  Just saying.  So I continue to fill in quite casually for staff meetings, an occasional sick call, or cover a couple of hours so someone can have an evening or afternoon off.  Hey, it's urgent care, not too much stress, 911 is on speed dial and nurses don't even have to call the mother ship anymore.  The provider does that.  Mostly I just like to stay connected with some of the old team and get gossip about the mother ship.  The galactically inefficiently run mother ship.

Sherry had my annual review ready on my most recent short shift.  Insert eye roll.

Ah, the review.  Invented by corporate clipboards to say as much nothing as possible on a random performance grid based on nothing that has anything to do with the actual ability to perform the job.  Made up by people who can't DO your job.  For a 2 cent raise if you're lucky.

 I just don't play the game anymore.  Setting personal goals, peer reviews, doing my own evaluation….I just say no to any of it.  You're the boss, you get paid the big bucks, YOU do my evaluation.  I really don't need this job, and you can stick the 2 cent raise.   My only goal is to make it to retirement in way less than 4 years, alive and in good health.

This requisite "discussion" of my job performance was pure theater:

Sherry: "Well, your review is excellent as usual, but I'm sorry to say there are no raises this year"
Me: (feigning surprise, horror, incredulity) "Seriously?  Even with all the recent layoffs of upper and middle management?!".
Sherry: (feigning administrator persona)  "No, sorry.  Across the board, no raises"
Me: "Strong motivation for improving morale, wonder why more institutions haven't thought of it.  Not even a pizza party?"
Sherry: (shifts in her seat and changes subject) "So, I have nothing but good things to say, but need one or two things from you.  Do you have any goals, educationally or professionally?"
Me: (pretending to think it over): "Nope"
Sherry: "You don't make it easy".
Me: (grinning) "You are a terrible manager, you take way too many vacations, and you let people push you around.  You are an outstanding clinical nurse, I hope they make the Kool-Aid delicious for you".
Sherry: (defeated) "OK.  I'm just going to write that you "contribute to keep staff up to date regarding ER trends"

What a laugh.  I keep them updated, alright.

As an urgent care, the Medde Center no longer sees the horror.  No gunshot victims, no stabbings, no SIDS babies.  No dangerous psychiatric patients or drunks.  Yet they appear to enjoy living vicariously through me for same, and beg for stories when I spend time there.  And I guess consider themselves lucky not to have to deal with any of it even though it really is pretty boring there, not even an interesting SVT to fix from time to time.  Not like the old days when it was an ER and they came actually brought ambulances with codes that sometimes survived, and traumas that needed helicopters.  Good times.

The annual  reviews at Pseudocity....that was different.  I put a scant amount of effort into my review there as it is a job I need, although I still say no to goals.  And we did get raises this year.  I thought it was an across the board 3%, but discovered accidentally that it was not.  Lazy Nurse announced a 2% raise.  I wisely kept silent, although the Karma Monitor in my brain was loudly applauding and whistling.