More Stupidly Spelled Names

This is a bunch of idiotically spelled names.  This is a week's worth. I have included the traditional spelling as well for reference.

Mickaylia (Michaela). 

Falysha (Felicia)

Kameryn (Cameron)

Josslin (Jocelyn)

Linsay (Lindsay)

Skyla, and Skyler both in the same day (Schuyler)

Jaymz (James).  Yikes.

Xander (?)

Alysha (Alicia)

Jarrid (Jarrod)

Allden (Alden)

Justen (Justin)

Kaleb (Caleb).  This kids last name also began with "K".  You know how I loathe alliteration.

Apriel (April).  Not sure about this one, although the kid will be spelling her name forever.

Sybrynna (Sabrina, and pronounced as such)

Haileigh (Hayley) Not as bad as Sybrynna

Aeden (Aidan). This one is not necessarily wrong as there are about a dozen ways to spell this, but again, this kid will be spelling it for everyone.

It is crazy how many people never bother to look up the correct spelling of a name they like, or spell it any whay they want so their kid's name will be unique.  Some are so obviously spelled phonetically. Then, there is the unique vs. over the top stupid. 
Psandeigh = Sandy
Ps2ughe= Sue
Ahndreighah = Andrea
Chandis= Candace

I left my list of names at the desk so others could add to it.  Brian had this to add.

"When I was in Texas I had two patients with unusual names.  One woman pronounced her name "Sha-THEED".  It was spelled "Shithead".  Then there was the kid named PAJ-a-mus, that was how it was pronounced although it was spelled "Pajamas".  I asked the parents what the inspiration was for the name and they told me they saw it in a J.C. Penney catalogue.  One of the kids was named Pajamas.  Guess what he was modeling?"

Creepy Steve

Kerry worked a very unusual evening shift with me, a painful shift since the patients trickled slowly in.  One. By. One.  Drip, drip, drip.  Like a leaky faucet.  Like I said, painful.  Plus Gil was on, which means the word was out on the street to all the drug seekers.  Dental pain, dental pain, dental pain.  Chronic back pain. One guy apparently just didn't feel like going to work and wanted a work note.  And percocet for his trouble.
Gil will give one to go, or a prescription for, like, four tabs.  Which Gil will elaborately write a script for so that it cannot possibly be altered in any way.

Feeding squirrels, I call it.  If you feed them, they will always come back.

With Mary retired, there have been a succession of xray techs.  Some better than others.  We like (and have decided to keep on our weekend) Shane.  Cute, blonde haired and blue eyed and really young. But sweet, and we will enjoy bringing her over to the Dark Side.  Unfortunately, she won't start on the weekends with New Cathy and I until September.  Until then, we have Creepy Steve.

He is really, really creepy.  He talks slowly and deliberately and  enunciates. Every. Single.  Word.  He is painful to listen to plus he is a sidler- he sidles.  He just appears.  Not there, there.  Not there, there.  I hate when people sneak up on me.  Like he's trying to catch me doing something I shouldn't be doing, or looking over my shoulder when I am looking at my email.  Creeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeepy.

And then, there is his interpretation his completed studies.  Especially the extremity films.  It is apparent he can't read xrays for shit, especially shoulders and elbows.  Most xray techs are really good at this, him not so much.  He is wrong at least 75% of the time. 

13 year old with a nothing 2 day old forearm injury; no swelling or bruising and a stupid parent who is in the department with one of her 4 idiot kids at least 3 times a month.  Gil sends him over for an xray even though it is clearly a waste of time and the taxpayers money.  Must keep up those customer satisfaction ratings.

Creepy Steve: (after sidling over next to me while I'm writing) "I'm. Pretty. Sure. This. Is. Broken. At. The. Distal. Radius"
Me: "Really?  Distal radius?  'Cause his pain was proximal especially when he wasn't playing with his phone"
Creepy Steve: "Hmm.  It. Is? It. Looks. Like. A. Buckle. Fracture. To. Me."
Me: "Ok, well Dr. Gil is reading it now.  We'll see.  If you think it is a fracture why don't you go ahead and make a disc so they won't have to wait for it".  We routinely have a disc made of the positive xrays for patients to take with them so they can convenientlybring to their orthopedic doctors.  Digital xray technology makes this possible.
Creepy Steve: "Yes.  I. Will. Do. That. Right. Now."

Predictably, there was no fracture.  But the idiot family got a nice souvenir.

Next patient is someone well known to us who "dislocates" his shoulder about once a month with ridiculous stories about how it happened.  The mechanism of injury never makes any sense.  He hoots and hollers, moans and groans and disrupts the whole place.  He usually "forgets" to stay in character and uses his arm to change position or remove his shirt. He always comes in on a Friday or Saturday. We always do an xray.  It is always negative, but his bad acting will sometimes get him narcotics.  I repeat, his xray is always negative. "I must have put it back in place".  Riiiiiight.

Creepy Steve: "This. Looks. Like. A. Posterior. Dislocation. To. Me. And. Maybe. A. Small. Clavicle. Fracture"
Me: "Oh? Gee, he complains about pain everywhere.  I touched his t shirt that was lying on the bed and kicked his backpack by accident and he screamed.  I suppose it is possible".  Unlikely, in fact I would bet a week's pay on nothing fractured, dislocated or even injured. It wasn't.  Gil gave him one Percocet and kicked him to the curb. 

Creepy Steve occasionally gets it right; he is, oddly, better with chest xrays.  In spite of his creepiness, I try to be nice to him and talk to him since I don't think he has been out of school for long. I have a strict rule not to eat the young 'uns.  The Mother Ship likes to hire people with very little experience since they don't have to pay much.  We have a lot of long-term xray techs who feel as if they will be given the boot at any minute since they scrutinize every move they make and these young techs are cheap and plentiful.  I guess his technique is good, which is a plus since there is nobody on-site to help him if he runs into trouble or has a question. 

He did ask us if we wanted anything from the pizza joint as he was ordering out for dinner.  No, but thanks for asking.  For some reason he ordered two although he was the only one eating them.

Creepy Steve: " I. Like. To. Have. Pizza. At. All. Meals. So. I. Get. Enough. To. Last. The. Week."
Oh. Pizza at EVERY meal?  Really??

I don't think Shane will want pizza at every meal.  Can't wait for her to start on our weekend.

Evil, evil

I worked more overtime in the last week than I care to, so getting out of work only 10 minutes late was a treat.  One of my all-time favorites was just kicking up on the radio, Back in Black (Hell's Bells, don't you think 50 somethings are into ACDC?) so I cranked it up good and loud as I cruised through the town square on my way home.  This was followed by a a little tasty Collective Soul, December.  Great ending to a pretty good night, even if 1) it wasn't my weekend to work and 2) I had to work with Second in Command (SIC). 

She is treading veeeeerrrrry lightly around me these days.  Everything from avoiding writing notes (which I can't stand) to apologizing profusely for calling me at home.  Never before 10 AM though, because I would just go ballistic.  At least that's what she thinks.

Jane, my boss has been out of work for weeks with an injury that keeps her home and out of the office.  We have all pretty much decided that SIC is not the de facto boss that she fancies herself to be.  With Sherry in Alaska for a month I am the only one she can't intimidate, and everyone knows that I intimidate her.

Sherry wanted to have a meeting before she left to elect me Second in Command....bwahahahahahahaha!
Ha!  Hahahahahahaha!
Haha!
I am the only one with any actual leadership/management experience, really.  But I wouldn't drive that bus even if it was chocolate and had a marshmallow center.   I am more of a back seat driver.  Next-level-up management at this place does seem to have marshmallow fluff for brains and I am not sitting in any meetings with them.  Besides, they pay us through a pea shooter and try to screw the nurses out of every dime imaginable.  I'm sure they are wringing their hands while they decide to cut out coffee and hot water.  They sure as hell ain't paying any more to someone who volunteers who go  take on this kind of foolishness.

I can use my evil genius for more interesting things like manipulating the schedule so SIC gets less overtime, streamlining the code cart, and intimidating SIC.  While wearing this T shirt, perhaps, order it from here:

My boss called and asked me if I would consider becoming the designated on-site super-user for our new electronic medical record training.  Sure.  For overtime. SIC will be really pissed about that.  Yep, I'm gonna order that t-shirt.

More from the Lady on Elm St.

Maybe it is the heat, but Lady has had 3 visits to us and 2 visits to the Mother Ship in the last 6 days.  We KNOW when the ambulance goes out after her; the address is well known to us all.  Even Ellen picks up on it.  "Oh, no, they've gone out after x Elm St. again!  Dr. Cripes already saw her once today!"

I quickly scanned the number of visits for the year.  Between both ER's, outpatient labs and xrays, and a couple of outpatient procedures there were 67 hospital visits.  By far the majority were for emergency care.

I know she likes Cripes, but he has had it with her.

"No way!  She's goes straight to the Mother Ship when they call it in.  One visit per doctor per day; any more is beyond the call of duty".

Interestingly, when she saw that Brian was on duty down at yonder Mother Ship she said, "What, him?  I'm not seeing him".  She really doesn't like Brian.

Two hours later she called. I can't prove it was her, but won't swear that is was not: "Hi, can you tell me who the doctor is today?"
Me: "Who's calling please?"
Caller: "Um....Mary"
Me: "Mary who?" I asked pleasantly.  And politely, don't forget that I was polite.
Caller: "Mary......Smith.  Why do you need to know that information?"  Mary Smith is known to be Lady's cousin or some such.
Me: "Well, Mary, I'm sorry, but we just don't give out that information"
Caller: "That's ridiculous!  How dare you refuse to tell me who the doctor is"
Me: (Very sweetly) "Yes, I know it is inconvenient, but it is a safety issue"
Caller: "Safety!  What has that got to do with anything! Do you think someone might come down there and kick his ass?"
Me: "That is always a possibility, Mary"
Caller: "I've never heard of anything so ridiculous in my life!  How am I supposed to know if I like the doctor who's on?
Me: "Well, Mary, that is problematic.  However, in an emergency situation such as life threatening illness or injury, most people are OK with that.  If you do not have an emergent problem, the alternative is to see your primary care provider"
Caller: "Well, it's an emergency if I say it is an emergency"
Me: "Yes ma'am, I would never presume to tell you not to come to the ER if yout feel your problem is so serious you cannot wait to see your doctor"
Caller: "Well, I don't like your tone, and I am going to complain to Patient Care Services tomorrow.  I'm going to tell them that you were rude to me"
Me: "Yes ma'am, that is your prerogative.  Why don't you give me your phone number so my boss can discuss my rude attitude with you personally.  Mary Smith, correct?"
*click*

Bye, Lady.  Have a nice night.

Our Witch Melted, Can We Have a New One? and other random stuff

That is actually a paraphrasing of a blog, LOVE the name.  You could check it out.  But it IS an appropriate sentiment for the 100+ degree heat here in the Northeast and the potential for problems.  You know, like dehydration, heat stroke and other such heat related issues, many of which can be prevented from becoming a MEDICAL EMERGENCY by following a few common sense tactics: stay hydrated, keep cool and STAY THE HELL OUT OF THE HEAT, MORON!

I worked a princess day shift, my 10th shift in 9 days and I am done with it.  I am sitting in my living room with an icy cold brew with both the air conditioner and fan on.  In a sundress (which I would never wear outside in public unless I was, literally, on fire).  Tina went out for 10 seconds and was ready to come in immediately, so not like her.  Mr. EDNurseasauras and I will not be heading to the lake for the weekend as planned.  We will take a day trip, but there  is no airconditioning there and we just suffer too much without it.  Wah, wah, wah.

"With record high temperatures, the heat is on!" (isn't that clever, I thought.  Not!). "Medical personnel are on high alert!", intoned the 6 PM news reporter.

 "I'm not", I informed Mr. EDN.  "I'm on exceedingly LOW alert".

The local TV channel had a reporter at Fenway Park giving tips about how to stay cool while at the game.  It is over 100 degrees Fahrenheit, the highest temperature in about 80 years.....they were using some sort of heat seeking, satellite directed, laser guided thermometer to take the temperature of the plastic seats in the bleachers.  118 degrees.  WTF?  The concrete steps?  148 degrees!!  You could literally fry chicken on that thing, and you want people to sit out there?  Madness!

Here's a tip for staying cool while watching the Red Sox:  STAY HOME.  Or go to a bar with this new-fangled thing called air conditioning.  Yikes. 

I was on the phone (on hold) when a well-dressed woman walked into the department carrying one of those Styrofoam beer coolers containing bottled water.  It was our Director of Nursing.  "I know there is no water fountain, and want you all to stay hydrated".  Nice.  How many of y'all's bosses toted in water?  I was impressed.

I was even more impressed that since we had run out of enema bags she went across to the pharmacy and picked up a couple.

Just....no words for that.  I sense a great new marketing campaign:

"Record high temperatures may cause dehydration and heat injury.  But by far the most dangerous problem is....constipation.  When you need an emergency enema, go directly to the Emergency Room. Your God-given right to a comfortable bowel movement should be your number one (not number two) reason to come to the ER when it is about as hot outside as the surface of Mercury. Because the heat is so much easier to tolerate when you can just take a good crap".