EDNurseasauras...On Answering the Phone on her Day Off

Apparently I answered the phone, told my boss I would come in to work and promptly fell back into a stupor whereupon I dreamed that I had just agreed to come to work.

I called the ER.

Me:  "Jane, did you call and ask me to come to work or was it a dream?  Please tell me it was a dream".

Jane: "Haha, yes you said you could work and you would be in soon.  Are you still coming?"

Me: "Weird.  I really thought it was a dream"

And so, Jane has learned that if she calls me early enough on my cell phone my subconscious will not only answer the phone but say yes to an extra shift.

Diabolical.

Enunciation

Sometimes text to speech programs can spit out some pretty interesting stuff.  Here are a few that I caught:

"Pt will present to All Natural eye associates after having been treated at Middle Finger medical center."
.....or we will just extend the middle finger.  Whatever.


"The patient appeared to be much older than stated age, frail and emancipated"
... but I'm FREEEEEEE!!!!!

"Pt was transported to XX hospital via anal screw (ambulance crew)"
oooooh...painful.


Yeah, that last one is going to be hard to top.

Ellen....on Answering the Phone on her Day Off

"It's so hard to say no", said Ellen after she was bullied into working a Sunday.  Eeyore, who by choice is supposed to work every weekend, routinely calls in sick at least twice a month.  Ellen has such loyalty and dedication (not to mention guilt) that she usually gets suckered into working since Eeyore's idea of finding a replacement is to look around her pantry ("Nope, nobody in here!').

Me: "Ellen, just say you have plans"
Ellen: "Well, sometimes I really do have plans"
Me: "Just don't answer the phone"
Ellen: "Oh, I couldn't do that!"
Me: "Well, say you couldn't possibly work because you just finished a bottle of wine"
Ellen: "At 10:AM?"
Me: "OK, then say you just had a pitcher of bloody Mary's at brunch"
Ellen: (giggling) "Oh, that would go over well.  I couldn't lie about that!"
Me: "Don't lie then.  Every Sunday morning, just put a splash of champagne into your orange juice and when they call, say you are celebrating Lucky Charms.  Tell them and you do it every week and maybe they will stop calling".

Poll: What REALLY Made You Decide on Nursing?

I got kind of tired of the usual stock answers.  Yes, we all wanted to help mankind.  Yes, we are all "people persons".  Yes, we all wanted to make a difference.

But what was the impulse?  It had to be something.  C'mon, spill it and feel free to add to this.  Here is a collection of thoughts by my co-workers, somewhat tongue-in-cheek, but not entirely without a few grains of truth.

"I wanted to be an LPN because a really nice one took care of me when I was in the hospital at age 7.  My parents wanted me to go to college.  I compromised on a three year school for my RN"

"I thought it would be fun to give shots;  I was thinking revenge"

"The opportunity to see blood...and guts"

"I really wanted to be a paramedic, actually; I was obsessed by that show Emergency! in the 70's"

"Capes and nursing caps, baby"

"I wanted to be a pediatric nurse until I realized I really didn't like kids all that much"

"I liked the science of nursing first"

"Because we were programmed to aspire to wifedom and motherhood as career goals and there were limited interim choices for women: teacher, secretary, nun.....nurse"

" I read a book called Candy Stripers about 30 times when I was in 2nd grade.  Seemed like a good idea at the time"

"I WAS a Candy Striper.  I spent one entire summer working 9-12 AM in the hospital coffee shop making toast and pouring coffee.  The closest I got to any patients was being promoted to flower delivery and filling water pitchers for one week.  Pinafores with gathered skirts was not a good look on me.  A white uniform seemed like a huge improvement"

"I think it was just always assumed that I would be a nurse because my mother is"

"I was a hair dresser for 20 odd years.  Then became an LPN.  Then an RN.  It was kind of a long convoluted path.  I'm still on my feet all the time, but the money is better"

Your turn.

Not Baby Talk

I cared for a sweet three-year old.  We had this conversation while I wrapped up his boo boo.  He apparently thought that all nurses were present at his birth

Little Voice: "Nurse?"
Me: "Yes?"
Little Voice: "Were you there when I was borned?"
Me: "No, honey, that wasn't me"

A short time later: "Um...nurse?"
Me: "Yes?"
Little Voice: "Were you a nice nurse who helped my mommy when she was sick?"
Me: "No, sweetie, that was another nurse"
Little Voice: "You're a nice nurse.  You didn't give me any shots.  Do all nurses help people?"
Me: "As much as we can, baby"

Little Voice (after pausing to consider if I was trustworthy of his secret) "Do you know that my mommy went to heaven to be with the angels?"

Umm...gulp.  No, I really do have something in my eye.